TALK TO ME ¯ᶠʳᵉʳᵃʳᵈ

-ˏˋｆｏｒｔｙ：ｓａｆｅˊˎ-

Shane stood there, shaking, and Gerard and I glanced nervously at each other, not sure what to do.

I was first to move towards Shane. I pushed him gently back until he landed on the recliner, sitting him down, and rubbing his back soothingly. His whole body was trembling and I looked to Gerard, biting my lip. I needed him to talk to him, to calm him down with words. Gerard caught on and came closer, standing next to me.

"Shane, it's okay," Gerard spoke, his soothing voice having been able to calm me down many times before. "Whatever it is that's going through your head, it'll be alright. Just take deep breaths, calm yourself down, and explain to us what's wrong. We'll help you. Just calm yourself down."

Shane brought his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly. He took deep shaky breaths, his eyes clenched tightly and hidden beneath his long bangs. I continued rubbing his back comfortingly until his trembling subsided slightly. He took steadier breaths, but made them long and deep until his body stopped shaking and he was calm again. He looked down at his lap and sniffed while wiping away whatever ears escaped his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Gerard asked Shane. "Tell us about it, whatever it is."

Shane wrote something on his phone, and held it up to no one in particular, his eyes still on his lap. He'd written a simple, "I'm sorry."

"Shane, you don't need to be sorry," Gerard said firmly and I nodded in agreement, even though Shane couldn't see me.

I took his phone from his hand and wrote, "It still happens to me all the time. It always helps to let it out sometimes." Shane looked up to see who'd taken his phone and paused when he saw me typing. I handed the phone back to him, and a small smile crept onto his face.

Shane typed away at his phone for a while, and then held it up to both Gerard and me. He'd written, "Joseph Simon is my ex. We broke up a little over a year ago for reasons I'd rather not mention. It just wasn't pretty, any of it, the reason we broke up, and then the way it happened. Thank you, both of you, for being there for me and offering to comfort me, but I really can't talk about this. It's too much for me. He's the reason I stopped talking."

"Joseph is your ex?" Gerard asked. "But how old is the guy? I mean he owns an art gallery."

Shane looked down at his phone and wrote, "He's 25 now. I was 17 when we broke up."

"Wait, how old are you now?" Gerard asked and we both looked at each other, feeling pretty stupid for not even knowing his actual age. We always assumed he was my age. He looked so young.

Shane wrote, "I just turned 19."

"Oh," was all Gerard said. It was silent for a little while before Gerard added, "You sure you don't wanna tell us about it?"

Shane just looked down at his lap and fiddled with his fingers, shaking his head furiously.

"That's fine. We'll just put in a movie and change the atmosphere, alright?" Gerard suggested and Shane nodded, looking up and smiling.

Gerard and I walked over to the couch and Shane curled up on the recliner he was in. Gerard just hit play on whatever movie was left in the DVD player and I cuddled into his side next to him, feeling so emotionally confused after seeing Shane panic the way he did. That was how Gerard felt whenever I panicked, but worse because we loved each other. It was distressing to watch someone go through that. I hated having to put Gerard through that now that I knew how it felt.

And Shane. I grew up my whole life not talking, but for Shane, there was a trigger. There was a person who specifically triggered this fear and it was driving me crazy to wonder what this person could have done to him to completely mess him up the way he did.