Murderer

Chapter 12: Brendon

One Month Later

It was an ordinary shitty day, just like yesterday, and the day before that. It felt like nothing good came my way anymore. It was always constant reminders that somebody took my best friend away and that I had nobody else in this world. I seemed to be sinking into myself day by day, my overall tone was distant and sad when I talked. Or that's what I've been told by my mom. I didn't want to sound that way, I wanted to be enthusiastic about finding him but each day I felt like there was less of a chance of finding him. Alive, at least. He's a small guy, he's not going to be able to bare that much.

I sat on the couch, eating chips and dip before dinner. My parents were in the kitchen making who knows what. When the news came on, I let out a long sigh. I hated watching it because there was always so many problems in the world. Murders and shootings in the streets. Raping of women at night. Kidnapping of children left and right. Dead bodies found in the river a few miles from your house. You get the picture.

The breaking news caught my eye. It was about Ryan.

"Sixteen year old Ryan Ross went missing around a month ago one night while walking home alone from his friend's house. It is presumed that he was kidnapped, but police have not been able to rule out the possibility of him getting lost. Since his disappearance, police have been able to find very little evidence regarding the boy's disappearance. There has been no confirmed reports of sightings as well. At this time, police are presuming that the boy is dead. There will now be a search launched for his body."

I stood there in despair, alone on the couch. My mouth was opened so wide that a fly could have flew inside. Which is perfectly fine of course, I wanted to choke and die at this point. My head was spinning and I felt complete dizziness overwhelm me. They are giving up so easy on him! It's only been a month! What the hell is wrong with them? Oh, they have to move on to the next case probably. Fuck that kid, he's dead. There is no word to explain the anger and sadness that was choking my neck at this moment.

I heard my parents calling my name but I ignored them. I didn't want to hear them, or what they had to say. They probably wanted to shove some false hope down my throat that they would find him alive. I'm not saying I believe he's dead, but the little hope that I have left is like a string that could be cut with a pair of safety scissors. This is only because Ryan is so skinny and bony. I believe he is strong enough to fight but not for long. And it's been a while.

I ran out the door and slammed it shut before my parents could follow me. I wanted to be alone. But I also didn't want to be alone. I wanted to be with Ryan. I wanted him here with me, or I wanted to be tortured with him. Either one. I just didn't want to be who I am right now. I've known him for years, he's helped me evolve into something amazing. Ever since he was stolen from me, I feel myself degrading. I didn't want that. I love who I had become. But I'll never be able to be that person without him, or without at least knowing that he was safe.

I heard the breaking of twigs under my feet as I ran, and I imagined the cracking of Ryan's bones. I heard birds squawking at each other, and I imagined Ryan crying for help. I saw the dark sky above me, and I imagined the darkness of the room Ryan was probably locked away in. There were no stars out tonight. Just a bunch of clouds hiding the beauty of the sky. Just like how the kidnapper hid my only friend and my amazing friendship with him.

When I reached the pond I was in complete tears. I'm alone. Forever. Nobody is going to want to be my friend. I had a hard enough time before I met Ryan. And now I'm having an even rougher time without him. I'm the most bullied kid in school. But nobody dares to touch me after the fight. Now people just stare at me as I walk down the halls to class. I'm failing all of my classes and my teachers have given up hope for me. I don't blame them. I've given up on myself.

I took off my shoes and socks and ran into the pond. I swam as far out as I could. I started thinking about simpler days. Studying for tests, getting out of school early and going to McDonald's with the little money our parents gave us, the time I gave him that notebook, playing video games, finding the pond. The time I asked him to drink beer. I closed my eyes and let myself sink in the water, giving no effort to swim back up for air.