The Rants of a Deaf Person and how to approach them ✔

chapter 8-constantly qustioning myself

I always constantly question myself whether I should still be here, I mean what am I good for on this earth really?.. I struggle to do even the most basic of tasks and everyone constantly puts me down. Everyone makes me second guess myself and I'm a part of a family that doesn't care about me doesn't text doesn't call or write or come round to check I'm okay.

Having cerebral palsy is bad enough but having deafness as well makes me feel isolated. None of them understand and on occasions even when I'm in thought miles away my family members have often called me stupid when I'm not hearing them etc..

They even think I'm immature because I spend time with my cousins and other kids because I interact with them better than adults because they don't judge etc. yet if I say something that I think is funny they think is stupid and immature when its just my bubbly personality.

Even my most recent situation has got me feeling even more isolated and can't sleep over it. Here is what happened:

well it's like this, my cousin who is 8 years old is a nasty kid I read that has bitten another child and pushed another child etc and my grandma thinks im lying about that.. so when we were driving home from holiday h wouldn't share his ipad.. I told him you have to share as its a long way home and everyone deserves a turn etc I'm just trying to make him a better human being so he grabbed my hand and bent my fingers back with a smirk it then started throbbing later so I debated whether or not to tell my mom and grandma.. he says he doesn't remember when it happened like an hour two hours ago.. My grandma says he shouldn't have to share his ipad and Xbox with me. My grandma says I shouldn't be allowed on the xbox when he isn't there either.. I always share all my stuff with him etc and I'm just trying to make him a better human being so he's got someone to come to for advice and to look up etc. yet he claims to me he did'nt but to them he doesn't remember.. if I didn't remember I would put my hands up and say sorry you know what I mean?. so this caused my mum and my sister to end up walking home 4 miles and my grandma blamed me calling me a shit stirrer and a liar etc.. I've left my washbag and toothbrush over there and she kicked me out the car and told me I wasn't welcome around her house anymore. My mom has a point.. That is not how you speak to your grandchildren.

He's even got my 7year old sister into trouble at times when it turns out she was completely innocent the whole time and he lied.

Did I do the right thing or should I have hit him back then he wouldn't do it again?. The thing is his dad is in and out of prison and is a drug addict and has kidnapped my cousin once aswell.

My grandma reckons I always do this and cause arguments all the time.. but my cousn has done exactly the same with my sister and my mom and grandma..

sometimes these situations makes you question how much of a good person you are..I've deleted y grandma off facebook..I've managed alone all these yaers I might aswell continue to do so..