A Freak Once Again

A Freak Once Again Chapter 8

As a mature adult, Rogue expected that she would be able to handle adult conversations. However, after the short, yet eventful, chat with Logan, she felt as though she was a teenager again. Her heart would not cease to thud against her chest every time she even merely thought of him. Over the next few days Rogue and Logan avoided contact. It wasn’t as if they did not enjoy seeing each other’s faces, but rather they felt as though they would say or do the wrong things if they communicated. So they stayed away from each other. Rogue thought this would help her think more clearly and focus on learning more about her powers, but she found everything to be harder. To make matters worse, Harpy was starting to make her move, something Rogue noticed as she passed by them in the garden one evening.

                “So they call you Wolverine? That must mean you’re a real animal,” Harpy flirted shamelessly. No matter how obvious and terrible she was being, Logan’s willpower was not strong enough to resist her obvious charm.         

                “You might say that,” he shrugged.

                “I bet you’re really wild when you’re fighting,”

                “Maybe I’ll have to show you sometime. What about you? People call you Harpy, why exactly do they call you that?” He wondered.

                “Maybe I’ll have to show you sometime,” her words dripped with the disgusting sweetness she drowned them in.

                “Sounds entertaining,”

                “Yes, well, I can be extremely entertaining when I want to be,” since when did Harpy become such a slut? Rogue asked herself through clenched teeth. She hated it, every minute of it. Her entire body was set ablaze with shameful jealousy. How could she help it? Harpy was older, prettier, and even though Logan had told her that he cared for her, she knew he was too weak to have any willpower when it came to Harpy.

                “You may have to prove that,”

                “So is there a Mrs. Wolverine?” She asked. Whether it was on purpose or his subconscious, his eyes flickered to the area where the headstones of the professor, Scott, and Jean were all resting.

                “No,” he said finally. Harpy noticed his hesitation.

                “What happened to her?”

                “It doesn’t matter,” to both women’s utter surprise he stood and walked away. Rogue was concerned and so she did not bother to move as he stopped in front of her.

                “I’d like to go inside,” he said with a heavy sigh.

                “You miss her, Jean,” it wasn’t a question.

                “It’s not that simple,”

                “What do you mean?” Rogue asked.

                “Come on, we’ll talk about this somewhere else,” he took her arm and led her away. To her surprise he took her to the danger room. No one was in it and no simulations were taking place so it was quiet and rather bland. Logan sank against one of the walls and motioned for her to join him.

                “What’s going on?”

                “Everyone assumes that I’m in pain because I miss Jean, but it’s not true,” he murmured.

                She spoke slowly, confused, “What do you mean?”

                “I’m not upset because she is dead. I am upset because I am the reason she is dead,” he admitted.

                “You had to…”

                “I know, I know I had to do it. That doesn’t make it any better though. I killed her, Rogue, and to make matters worse, I don’t think I even really loved her,”

                “What are you talking about? You were crazy about her,”

                “I wasn’t crazy about her; I was crazy about the idea of her. She was an attractive woman, the first face I saw when I woke up here for the first time, she was interested in me, and she had a boyfriend. She was the ultimate challenge and I wanted her. I had…” he paused before continuing, “I have feelings for her, but I don’t think I was in love with her. I was attached to her, but now that she is gone all I can think about is how I was the one who killed her,”

                “You can’t blame yourself for that,” she shook her head.

                “Really?” He raised an eyebrow, “Because if I recall correctly, I allowed her to get away from here when she woke up, I defied the professor, and ultimately got him and her killed. If it wasn’t for me they would still be alive,”

                “You can’t know that,”

                “Well they sure as hell wouldn’t have died the way they did,”

                “I hate to say this because it sounds insensitive, but you need to move on. The point is, they did die, they are gone and whether you are the cause of their deaths is left up to interpretation of the past events. Maybe you didn’t love Jean, maybe you did, what you need to focus on now is whether or not your feelings are clouding your rational thought process. You are already blaming yourself, beating yourself up for having killed Jean to basically save the world, which is not good. You have done a lot for this world, for mankind, you should focus on that and be proud,” she rested a deep royal purple gloved hand on his shoulder. His eyes met hers for a moment. Within seconds they both were lost. The pain Logan had been feeling before melted away into affection.

                “God I love you,” he muttered ever so softly, “You always know exactly what to say,”

                “I’m being honest,”

                “I know, which is always the perfect thing to do when you are with me. I’m sick of people telling me what I want to hear. You tell me the truth,” he smiled. He leaned in close giving Rogue a good whiff of the smell of cigars and the deep musky scent that seemed to cling. His face was becoming dangerously close to hers.

                “Logan, stop,” she leaned away.

                “I’m not afraid, I’ve already told you this,”

                “Yes and only a few days ago you agreed we couldn’t be together until I got my powers under control. You said it was too dangerous, remember?” She was trying to be strong with her objections, but it wasn’t working. She was completely absorbed in the moment. Every hot breath that hit her face was like a wrecking ball to her wall of self control. It wouldn’t be much longer until it all came crumbling down.

                “I don’t care what I said,” he shrugged, his face still slowly moving towards hers.

                “I don’t want to hurt you,” she tried to inch herself away but it was useless. She had backed herself into a corner.

                “Rogue, I know you won’t hurt me, I trust you,”

                “This isn’t a matter or trust, this is a matter of control. I can’t hold it back Logan, I don’t know how yet,”

                “Then it is a risk that I am willing to take,” before she could slip out even one more protest, he closed the distance between them. His lips pressed deeply against hers and then…..