A Freak Once Again

A Freak Once Again: Chapter 11

“Um… So which one of you ordered the clam chowder?” The waitress asked uncomfortably. Rogue’s eyes flickered to her face, seeing the disappointment. She couldn’t help but let out a short giggle which she quickly hid with a cough. Nathan raised his hand slightly, signaling the waitress to place the steaming bowl of white soup in front of him. She slid Rogue’s sandwich in front of her with certain distaste before sauntering off.

                “I think,” Nathan coughed, “We may have caused her discomfort,”

                “Discomfort? I think I just made her incredibly jealous!” Rogue burst into a fit of musical giggles, each bubbled from her throat with pure amusement. The musical sound made Nathan smile and he swore his heart skipped a beat. No, he though, hell no. He was not hers and he would NOT cross that line.

                “If you weren’t intimidating to her before you certainly are now. I don’t understand her interest but it’s amusing nonetheless,” his smile was warm and full of humor. Rogue sensed that there was something beneath this smile but said nothing to pursue it.

                “You don’t understand it? Seriously? When was the last time you looked in the mirror,” she laughed.

                “This morning,”

                “Well then you must know that as far as the male species goes, you are definitely up there on the attractiveness scale,” her compliment sent warm pulses through his veins. He was thankful that he was not the type to blush.

                “Well thank you I suppose,” he chuckled. 

                The two ate while making idle chatter, acting as though the kiss had never happened. That’s not say that it wasn’t on both of their minds, but neither would admit it. Rogue itched to touch his hand again, but kept her own hands to herself. She had replaced her gloves, feeling almost naked without them. Nathan noticed this and frowned slightly. He could only imagine what it must be like for her, not being able to touch people, which made him wonder what exactly went through her mind when she had met her fingers with his.

                “I wonder if Logan’s okay,” she murmured to herself at one point during the lunch.

                “If he died I’m sure they would have called already,” Nathan reassured her with an easy smile. She didn’t look so sure.

                “I still can’t believe that I allowed that to happen,” she pressed her forehead into her palm with a distressed expression.

                “Allowed it?”

                “I knew the dangers of it but I let it happen. It was selfish of me, I could have killed him,” she mumbled.

                “You have spent years being forced to avoid human contact and you are beating yourself up because you kissed the man you love?” He raised an eyebrow. She flinched slightly at the word love. She had thought it, said it, and felt it. However, hearing someone else say it in reference to her was odd and almost scary.

                “You make it sound so… Normal,”

                “Because it is,”

                “You lost me,”

                “Let me rephrase. It is normal to give into your desires; nearly killing them is the slightly odd part. However, at this moment, that can’t happen. Eventually I am sure you will be able to enjoy a simple kiss and perhaps more,” she needed no elaboration, “Until then, you will have to accept this as normal,”

                “Normal,” she snorted, “Normality isn’t exactly common within freaks,”

                “Freaks,” he said the word with obvious distaste.

                “Look, I know you all think that these things, these so called gifts, make up special. But let’s face it, let’s be real, we aren’t special, we are freaks,”

                “Why do you hate yourself so much?”

                “Hate myself?”

                “You talk about yourself as if you are some awful mistake of nature,” his brows knitted together with slight concern. Before she could admit that that was how she felt about herself, Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” began to play. Nathan pulled out his phone, checking the caller ID. Rogue couldn’t help but raise an inquisitive eyebrow at his ringtone which, for some reason, seemed exceedingly out of character for him. He only shrugged before answering it.

                “Hello, is something wrong? No… She’s fine,” he paused, glancing at her. His smile faded but was not replaced by a frown, “That’s to be expected, right, yes I’ll tell her. Make sure he is being monitored. I am sure he is fine given the extent of his mutation, but it’s better safe than sorry. Yes, alright, we will be back soon, bye,” he hung up the phone and grimaced.

                “What’s wrong?” Rogue demanded.

                “Well nothing is wrong,” he shrugged slightly. “But…”

                “But what?”

                “Logan has fallen asleep and no one seems to be able to wake him up. He isn’t in a coma or anything, but apparently you took quite a bit out of him and his body is recovering by shutting down for a while. It is not really that surprising and it is actually a good thing. The only bad thing is not knowing whether or not his body will shut down further and slip into a coma. As I had told Storm, his mutation, his ability to heal, should keep him from suffering from anything serious. Nothing to worry about,” Nathan gave her a reassuring smile. Although she believed him, she still felt awful. She was the cause of the whole thing. Rogue began to wonder whether or not returning to the school had been a good idea. After all, if she had stayed behind, she and Logan never would have had a chance to pursue their feelings and she never would have hurt him. Things would have been a million times simpler. A small part of her began to boil. This part was the one she had pushed down so long ago, the part that wanted die.

                Yes, death would seem like an extreme decision to any normal sane person. The problem was, although sane, Rogue was far from normal. Two months after her powers had returned, she had become extremely depressed. Her inability to enjoy the simple luxury of touch was enough to send her spiraling into darkness. She had talked to Harpy who had tried to help, but in the end that depression never went away, it just hid itself in the shadows of her mind. Now, with what had taken place between her and Logan, she felt that terrible depression begin to leak from its corner and slowly creep to the front her brain. However, this was not something she would ever admit to. Only Harpy knew the truth of her lurking darkness and she intended to keep it that way.

                “Come on,” Nathan finally said, “Time to go back and make sure our dear friend hasn’t slipped away yet. Waitress? Check please!”