I'm Sorry | Jackson Wang

8: Drunk Honesty

Jackson

I finally flag down a taxi and get myself and Luna inside. She started getting super clingy after awhile, and I was praying she'd stop, or at least hold off for a couple seconds.
As we sit in the back seat, she lays her head on my shoulder and starts mumbling something incoherently.
"Lu, you okay?" I question quietly in her ear.
"No~ I feel sick.." she groans back.
I scoff. "Well that's what you get for getting drunk, Luna. How much liquor did you get into that little body, anyway?"
"Nooo~ I feel sick because I saw you... am still seeing you..."
"Wow, that makes me feel great. You liked the way I looked at one point."
She giggles. "No~"
"Wow-"
"Thinkin bout what I did to you makes me sick.." She pats her stomach, "sick to my tumtum.." Luna giggles when she says "tumtum", bringing her knees up to her chest, cuddling farther into my side. It almost feels like old times, with the exception of her drunken state and the fact that I can't have her anymore.
"But you know what's worse?" She says suddenly as her giggle fit ends.
"Yeah, Luna? What's worse?"
"I still love you.. I miss you, and I never wanted to let you go in the first place..." she slurs.
After a moment of silence, she starts laughing hysterically. "But I did anyway~ cuz I'm an idiot, neomu pabo." She smacks her head with the ball of her hand. "I just didn't want you to get hurt waiting for me... I didn't know what the fuck I was doing in France, but I know I was gonna hurt you if I made you wait... so I left.." she stared off into space for a bit. "But I think I hurt you worse by leaving.."
"Yeah, no shit, Lu," I snap with a bitter tone.
She recoils into herself, my tone seemingly scaring her. "I'm sorry, Luna.. it's okay, I'm just stressed." I take a couple deep breaths, trying to calm the both of us down, and stroke her hair.
Another moment of silence passes, and Luna asks just above a whisper, "did you still love me? After I left, I mean?"
I look down at her, seeing the trails of her tears glimmer in the passing street lights. "I still do. I never stopped."
I look out the window. "But you're drunk.. you don't know what the hell you're saying right now... I'll be so miserable tomorrow morning when I wake up and remember all of this and you don't." When I glance down, I notice she must've fallen asleep whilst I was taking to myself. I let out a dry laugh. "Figures. Always seems to be that way, doesn't, Luna?"
A few moments later, the cab driver pulls up to her dorm, hopefully, and I manage to pull her limp frame out of the cab and pay the man.
Standing in front of her building, I heave out a sigh. "Alright, Lu, here we go, upsie-daisies." I reach down under her knees and lift her up, surprisingly easily, and carry her up the steps to her dorm.
I remember doing this after a movie night when she'd fall asleep on me. She's slightly lighter than she was before.. no, no, Jackson, no remembering the past. No.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts.
"Alright, let's just get you in here and get out, okay?"
I gently drop her feet to the ground and reach into my pocket for the key Tae gave me, wiggle it out of my front pocket, stick the key in the lock, and open up the door.
"Here we go."