I'm Sorry | Jackson Wang

18: To Get Away Pt. 2

Luna

"Well, I should probably go, they're all probably wondering what happened to me, so I should just get out-"
"Jackson." I grab his shirt and pull him around to face me. "Answer my question."
He holds my gaze for a bit, then sighs, dropping his head. "I don't know how to answer that, Luna. I just started to feel like you were okay with me, and now I've fucked everything up again." He presses his back to the wall, sliding down it to the floor. "There's no easy way to explain how I feel about you. There's no easy way to feel anything about you. But I love you, still, I think. And I would just like to be close to you for a while, if that's not too much to ask?"
I don't respond, not really knowing how to. I thought that by now he would've gotten over me, but I guess I hurt him more than I thought, all those years ago.
Maybe even more than I hurt myself.
"I mean, I tried to stay away from you, pretend that I didn't care, but even the mention of you was enough to put me out of my mind, but seeing you that day, baggy sweatpants with the paint stains from high school, that one shirt you'd always wear freshman year, no makeup, dark circles... it just made me remember who I fell in love with...
"And you know what's hilarious?" Jackson's eyes meet mine, throwing me off for a second. "I remember everything about you. Even when I'm drunk, if you asked me anything about you, I'd be able to give the answer without any hesitation." He looks down at his feet, staring at his socks as if they're the most interesting things on the planet. "I think I know you better than I know myself..."
Finally seeing where this is going, I sigh, seating myself next to him on the floor of my entryway. "Jackson..."
He looks over at me in anticipation, as if he didn't expect me to say anything to him.
"Look, when I left you back in college, I didn't do it for me, I did it for you. I didn't want you to suffer because of me, so, I left. I thought it would be easier for you that way. You could move on, live a happier life, have a girlfriend close to you, and you wouldn't have to worry about me leaving you for someone else all the time."
"But I wanted to make it work, Luna. I really did. You were the first girl I ever had to work for to be with. I didn't want that to end so quickly. You should've known I was willing to fight for us..."
"I knew you were, but I wasn't willing to let you risk your future just for a relationship that wasn't healthy for us."
He groans in frustration. "Luna-"
"Please, Jacks, no. Not tonight. And it's late. I'll call Jaebum to let him know where you are, and you can just crash here. You need your rest anyway."
"Luna, I don't-"
"Please, Jackson?"
He let's out a long exhale, eventually nodding and letting me aid him to the couch.
Once he's situated, I call JB, who's furious, but eventually calms once I reassure him that I'll get Jackson back home safely.
I end the call and walk back out to the living room to see Jackson already conked out on the couch, soft snores leaving his lips, a light flush to his cheeks, limbs in every which direction; a sight I missed seeing for a long time.
I pull the throw blanket off the back of the couch and toss it over his otherwise still frame, and head back to my room to attempt at sleep.