Ashlee grew up in Des Moines. She was friends with all the guys of Slipknot and lived with Corey for many years after her parents died. She found love; but it wasn't always the best. Follow her journey through love, pain, anger and hate.
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January, 2001 - Des Moines, Iowa
The past few years have been absolute hell for everyone. Something changed within all of us while we were in California.
I can't explain it - all I can say is that we're completely different people now. Sid and I are still together, and we may be the only ones who are speaking to each other at the moment.
Corey and Shanna split up while Slipknot went on tour after releasing their album.
I helped them shoot a few music videos in that time. Shawn also had the idea to put together all the shit we had recorded in that time and release a home movie.
Everyone agreed to it, hoping it would somehow bring everyone back together. It worked - for a few months anyway.
I still lived with Corey for the time being. He hardly ever leaves his room and he refuses to talk to me. I could hear him crying sometimes and he would always start screaming in the middle of the night.
My heart ached for him. This break up was really hurting him and I couldn't help. Plus Sid didn't come over anymore. If I wanted to see him I had to go to his place.
There had been talk of recording their second album soon and I was excited, but anxious at the same time.
I padded quietly down the hallway and knocked on Corey's door. There was no response for a few moments and I slid down onto the floor.
"Corey. Dude, you can't keep shutting me out. Just fucking talk to me." I screamed, beyond pissed at his behavior. He still didn't say anything and I started banging my head against his door. Finally, he opened the door and I fell backwards.
"Shit!" I exclaimed and jumped up. I pushed Corey backwards and ran into his room, shutting the door behind me. "You look like hell." I said, reaching up to touch his face.
He smacked my hand away and walked over to his desk to sit down, facing away from it. He put his head back into his hands. I walked over and kneeled in front of him. The frown apparent on my face, I wondered what to do that would help.
Placing my hands on top of his, I just sighed. We sat like that until my legs started to fall asleep. I removed my hands from his and walked over to sit on his bed.
He removed his hands from his face and turned his head to look at me. His once blue orbs were now dull and looked empty. My heart felt like it dropped to my stomach. I wanted him to just tell me something, anything.
Instead of talking he rummaged through the papers on his desk, handing me a sheet. I looked at him in confusion and he shook the paper at me, silently telling me to take it.
I grabbed it from him and looked down at the scribble and tried to make out what it said.
Zero and zero is nothing but zero. Cancer and people conspire together. Running and running and going forever. Collected and sampled, starving for zero. Come see my cage; built-in migraine. Minus the inside and minus the circle. Inhabit the riddle and fill in the hovel. Wherein and herein, between us and near us. Zero and zero is nothing but zero. Come see my cage; built-in migraine. Keeping myself alive through your empathy...
