Ashlee grew up in Des Moines. She was friends with all the guys of Slipknot and lived with Corey for many years after her parents died. She found love; but it wasn't always the best. Follow her journey through love, pain, anger and hate.
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November, 2002 - Des Moines, Iowa
Everyone talked about what they had been doing in our time apart. Corey and Jim stayed busy with Stone Sour.
I was thankful for that because Corey and I fought with each other endlessly for no real reason, until one day he apologized and so did I.
Once he did we had gotten back into the same routine of having sex all the time. He asked me to be his girlfriend but I denied, telling him my heart belonged elsewhere and always would.
That it wouldn't be fair to him for me to always be in love with someone else. He finally accepted it and wouldn't talk to me for another three weeks.
I started to feel more alone than ever before. I was missing my parents a lot and my two best friends had pretty much washed their hands of me.
One day I pulled Corey to the side and told him that I was ready to give us a chance if he hadn't changed his mind.
...Just so I wouldn't be alone anymore. It wasn't the right reason but I knew I was heading to a very dark place.
That was back in June. So far things have been alright. We still act more like friends than anything else.
In fact, we hardly ever have sex or even sleep in the same bed. Things definitely were nowhere like being with Sid.
I guess that's for a good reason - I love Corey but I can never love anyone the same way as my first love. I've actually been looking for a house of my own outside of Des Moines.
I haven't told Corey this but I couldn't keep living at his house and mooching off of him and his Gram.
Joey said that he started a band with Wednesday 13 called Murderdolls. It sounded interesting with the way he talked about it and I knew I'd have to check them out.
Clown started a side band called To My Surprise as well. And even though I already knew about Sid's side project, I acted surprised when he said he had started a couple of solo projects under SID & DJ Starscream. I watched more of his videos than I should have - being that I hate him now and everything.
A few of them asked what I had been up to. I was resting my hands on the table and picking at my nails. I looked up at them all nervously.
"Just writing and documenting shit. Trying to find a more steady job and I've also been uh- I've been looking at some houses outside of Des Moines."
I said, almost whispering the last thing. I didn't say it quietly enough because Corey stood up and started yelling at me, making me flinch.
"When the fuck were you gonna tell me you're leaving me?" He yelled. When I didn't answer him he only got angrier. "What is this, anyway? Do I not make you happy? Why do you want to get away from me?"
