Ashlee grew up in Des Moines. She was friends with all the guys of Slipknot and lived with Corey for many years after her parents died. She found love; but it wasn't always the best. Follow her journey through love, pain, anger and hate.
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April, 2008 – Iowa City, Iowa
Shanna keeps trying to get me to check into rehab but I refuse. I don't see anything wrong with the drugs I'm using.
Hell, they work great. I'm never sad when I'm high and I don't think about them either. I can also write better when I'm high. I'm playing a show tonight at the same bar I did a few months ago in Iowa City.
I threw on some gray pants and used a shoe string as a belt. I've lost weight but haven't bothered buying new clothes.
I threw on an old Alice In Chains tee, followed by some jeans and Converse. I grabbed my purse and got Shanna. She was gonna stay with me tonight at the bar to keep watch for anything suspicious.
When we got there, I went into the bathroom to prepare; you know what I mean. I balanced myself against the counter for a moment and walked back out.
I got onto the stage with my guitar and introduced myself to the crowd. I saw Shanna and got a thumbs up, meaning none of them were here. Feeling content, I started playing.
"I hid the keys to unlock love's heart. To hold you in my sweetest pain and suffering. Everything's unfair in our lust and war. Redemption beyond right and wrong. In our hearts love keeps sweet-talking to despair. And goes on sleepwalking past hope. All is lost in this war, and all we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song. Sleepwalking past hope. I unlit the light to embrace the dark. To be near but not to turn into you, my darling. Forever we're lost in our souls' storm. Reflections of each other's faults. I gave up long ago. Painting love with crimson flow. Ran out of blood and hope. So I paint you no more... My hell begins from the 10th and descends to the circle six hundred threescore and six. And from there I crawl beneath Lucifer's claws just for one last kiss."
"And love's light blue led me to you, through all the emptiness that had become my home. Love's lies cruel, introduced me to you. And at that moment I knew I was out of hope. Love's icy tomb, dug open for you, lies in a cemetery that bears my name. Love's violent tune, from me to you, rips your heart out and leaves you bleeding with a smile on your face. And love's light blue took me from you. And at that moment I knew I was out of hope, again. Kill me; I begged and love said no. Leave me; for dead and let me go. Kill me; I cried and love said no. Kill me; I cried and love said no..."
I played seven songs, since I was the only performer for the evening.
"Thank you, my lovelies. 'til we meet again," I said into the mic, throwing devil horns and disappearing again off the stage.
I was met by Shanna before I could get my box opened. I sighed and put it back in my bag.
"I knew it. Come on, let's go." She said, dragging me out of the bar.
