Spin Spin Sugar (Gerard Way)

Chapter 22: One Time Too Many

Why is the bedroom so cold?
You've turned away on your side.
Is my timing that flawed?
Our respect runs so dry.
Yet there's still this appeal
That we've kept through our lives.
​​​
Joy Divison - Love Will Tear Us Apart

*

Gerard's basement smelled like a dusty attic, an old musty shirt that got kept in a closet for too long. I called it the cavern because that's basically what it was. It was Gerard's cavern. His fortress of solitude. A place where he probably spent all his teenage years hiding from the big bad world, trapped between those walls and the thoughts in his head.

Everything in this place reminded me of him, from the chipping paint on the tobacco imbued walls, or the lack of daylight caused by the absence of windows. This was him, all of it; the part of him I've never known. The root of his self-destruction.

And yet, there I was. Walking clumsily towards the bathroom, knees buckling as I tried to understand what just happened. The floor was cold, so cold. But it felt kinda good because my body was on fire. I was dazed and confused, somehow still sitting on the floor with him, absorbing his wet mouth against my neck as wanton words slipped from it.

But I pushed him away again.

I left him there.

All alone.

But how could I stay? How could I...

I didn't want him to see me this way, I was filthy. Even though I knew he didn't care. Even though I knew that, if I had let him, he would've ripped my clothes off and licked every damn inch of skin I judged to be dirty.

Ugh.

But I didn't want that.

Or... m-maybe I did... Maybe I did and ran away again.

Fuck. I needed a shower. Now. A cold one, a frozen one, one that'd stop me from thinking.

One that'd stiffen my blood and make me come down again, make me clean - in every damn sense of the way.

I entered the small bathroom and turned the lights on, blinking a few times. The lighting was slightly yellow, glooming very poorly and the walls were painted white. There was a shower in the back, toothpaste stains on the sink and dirty towels on the ground. The surface of the floor was kind of wet as if someone used the shower not so long ago and didn't bother to dry off. Guess we all knew who did that - I could see his wet footsteps on the tiles.

Anyway, I just yanked my clothes away, not even caring where they landed and hopped in the shower. The pressure of the showerhead was really strong, giving me a body massage. I couldn't help but moan a little. Then I grabbed Gerard's 2-In-1 Hair+Body Wash and squeezed a large amount in my hand. I just rubbed my body with it as my life depended on it, foaming the gel against my skin until I looked like a snowman.

Ugh. It felt great. So damn great.

There wasn't a lot of space in the shower, though, making it hard to turn around. But then, I spotted Gerard's shaver. It was inside a crevice on the wall just below the window. At first, I wondered if I should use it. I mean, it wasn't mine after all. But then I noticed my hairy legs and all guilty thoughts were shot aside. Seriously, I don't think Gerard would mind. Plus I could totally buy him a new one.

I wasted no time, grabbing the small object as I bent down, shaving my legs until they were nice and silky again. And then, that was it, I was clean, I was smooth. I smelled like a boy but I didn't care. The scent was comforting and slightly sexy. Because damn, it smelled like him a little. A bit too fresh, though, Gerard didn't smell that fresh.