Your trust
The most gorgeously stupid thing I ever cut in the world
-robert.james.smith
*
I was standing in front of a long mirror, numerous cracks shattered it, and all I could see was my disfigured reflection.
Yeah, it turns out the only mirror I owned was a broken piece of glass. But hey, at least I knew the zipper of my dress was zipped properly.
Now bear with me, it wasn't a fancy dress. Oh no. My goal, for the evening, was to be unnoticed. I didn't want to draw the attention of people I didn't care about or fake smiles that feel like dying inside.
So yeah, I got this black dress, it ended mid-thigh, and the sleeves covered my arms.
It was around 6.55pm; I was almost ready. Suko was supposed to pick me up around 7 in our blue van. God, I missed the van, I couldn't wait to sit on those mild and cushy seats again or hear the chirpy stereo. Frankly, hitting the road again was making me feel slightly anxious, but I tried not to think about it. Deep down, in my soul, I knew I wanted nothing more than to leave again.
Sail away.
My bag was ready, with fresh and new clothes and all of my notes were sorted out. Yeah, everything was finally perfect, just as I always wanted it to be. With nothing to worry about, nothing to overthink, or regret, or doubt or dwell on or crave or miss o-or...
or.....
maybe.
Shit.
What am I even saying?
Ugh. Look, I was trying, okay? For once in my life, I was trying to do the right thing; to not let myself get eaten by my thoughts. By him. But truth be told, I really, really missed him. I missed him like I never missed anyone before, but I didn't know how to do this; how to miss somebody. Was there a way? I mean, was there something I could do?
Hm. I guess not.
Since I woke up, I was haunted by the moment he kissed me against the door, and it drove me endlessly crazy. The moment I lost it... just before he fucked me in his bed. And he fucked me so good, god. My eyes rolled back into my skull just thinking about it. I remembered his wet kisses on my breasts, his raunchy moans in my ears and all the words he said to me. Everything was so...
so-
Oh, I don't know... but how could I know? These things, they're just so hard to describe.
It was beyond me.
Beyond clouds.
A-anyway.... what I'm telling you here is that I was scared. Yeah, scared that all we had shared in Belleville would be nothing but a memory. A sad, and summerless memory. And I didn't want that; I didn't want the way he looked at me that night to be just a memory. Like all the good things in my life, how they always fall away, disappear...
become dust.
And you can't grip dust... it just slips through your fingers.
I suddenly heard a honk. Outside my window.
Suko.
Suko was there.
Oh well, there I was, staring at a distorted version of myself for the last time, wearing a damn dress with a fluttering heart.
I picked up my bags and left.
Like I always do.
*
YOU ARE READING
Spin Spin Sugar (Gerard Way)
Fanfiction"I knew it the second I laid my eyes on him. The way he chewed his gum in such a nonchalant way, with lips smacking like he wanted to wake the dead. He had dirty hair falling vulgarly against the side of his face and he stank like dry gin and old ci...
