Carl Grimes/Chandler Riggs Imagines *EDITING*

Scared and Afraid

    I looked at Judith and kissed her head softly. She was asleep on my chest and she looked peaceful.

    "At least you don't have to worry, Judith. You'll always have us protecting you" I quietly whispered and rocked her gently.

    I was worried. Terrified. The group wasn't back yet. Rick, Michonne, Sasha, Maggie, Glenn, Enid, Abraham, Carl, Eugine, and Rosita. My heart hurt as my mind wandered to dark places. What if the Saviors did something to them? What if they killed them? I shook my head violently, trying to shake the thoughts.

    "No they're okay. They're gonna be back soon" I whispered to myself.

    My heart pounded against my chest and I took slow deep breaths to ease it.

    "You look like you're freaking out" Gabriel said as he sat in the rocking chair next to me.

    I looked down at Judith and gently kissed the top of her head.

    "That's because I am" I mumbled.

    "The Lord is on their side, Y/N. They'll be alright." He tried to reassure.

    I looked at Gabriel and glared at him.

    "Where was the Lord when the Anderson's' were getting eaten by walkers? Where was the Lord when the Governor took over the prison? Where was the Lord when he killed Hershal? I understand that you weren't there but God wasn't either" I snapped and got up, walking inside the house still carrying Judith.

   I didn't mean to blow up at Gabriel. I was stressed and worried. I guess it's no excuse. I am just tired of hearing about the Lord. I am tired of hearing about God. I don't believe in him. I never have and I never will. Sighing, I sat down on the kitchen chair, bouncing Judy gently on my legs as she continued to sleep.

    " They're back!" I heard someone yell from outside.

    I got up as quickly as I could and rushed outside. This caused Judith to wake up, but I honestly didn't care. The RV had just stopped and the door was opening. My heart raced as I watched everyone step out of the RV. Rick stepped out, Michonne stepped out, Rosita stepped out, Eugine stepped out, and then Carl.

    Rick ran towards me and Judith, taking the baby out my arms and hugging her tightly. He looked terrible. There was blood splattered over his face. That wasn't the only thing I noticed. They all looked terrible. I was frozen in place. Where's Glenn, Maggie, Abraham, Daryl, and Sasha? My eyes connect with Carl's and I quickly ran up to him, hugging him tightly. He hugged me back just as tight, as if he was were to let go he'd lose me.

    "W-Where are they?" I asked, pulling away from Carl to look at him. He had a blank face. No emotion showing. He looked towards Rick and I turned to look at him. Rick shook his head and walked away with Judith.

    "Maggie and Sasha went to the hilltop together. The Saviors took Daryl and Glenn and Abraham they....they're gone" Carl explained, his voice breaking.

    After processing what I was just told, I began to sob and he hugged me again tightly.

    "Shh..." He whispered.

    I couldn't stop crying. The loss of Glenn and Abraham hit me like a ton of bricks. The thought of what my people just went through.

    Glenn was like a brother to me. We had always been together since the day I had joined their camp. He protected me. He told me that I was the sister he never had. He told me that I was the closest to his family and that he was scared shitless at the thought of losing me. Memories flooded through my head and I just sobbed harder. Instead, I lose him. I would never see him again.

    "M-Maggie," I managed to let out in between my sobs, "I-Is she okay? What about the baby?"

    "She took it just as hard as you. I don't know if the baby's okay or not. We all had to witness it" Carl muttered, his words barely auditable.

    "That's terrible," I hiccuped, "what are we going to do?"

    He didn't answer me.

     "We'll figure that out later" Carl mumbled and led me inside the house where Carl, Rick, Michonne, Judith, and I lived.

    We made it to the living room and sat on the court. After a few minutes I slowly stopped crying and I can finally contain my tears.

    "Negan is a dick." Carl growled as he pulled me closer to him.

    I sniffled, wiping away my tears.

   "What else did he do?" I asked.

    "He made my dad fend for his life. Almost got him eaten by walkers. He almost had him cut off my arm." He explained.

    I stared at Carl. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Here I was bawling my eyes out over something I didn't even witness but knew about and Carl was sitting here replaying in his head the tragic events he just had to go through. I'm a terrible girlfriend.

    I pulled him back into a hug, holding him tightly. He buried his face in my shoulder.

    "Carl, I am so sorry. I can't imagine what's going through your head right now" I cried.

    He was brave and strong. The fact that he wasn't crying amazed me. It didn't surprise me though. I've only seen him cry twice in 6 years.

    "I'm okay" he mumbled, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

    "No you're not" I sighed, pulling away from him to look at him.

    He looked at me, confused.

    "I know you, Carl. It kills you inside knowing that you can't do anything about it. I know you're hurting. You don't have to tell me that you're okay when you're not. There's no need to be tough all the time." I told him.

    He nodded and pulled me back into his chest. He started sobbing. I pulled away from him and pulled him into my chest instead. I removed his hat from his head and ran my fingers through his hair, holding him close and being careful not to touch his bandage.

    "I just want to hold you. I just need you right now." he mumbled through his sobs.

    "I'm here" I whispered.

    It was like he couldn't hold it in any longer.

    "I'm here, and I promise I'm not going anywhere."