there's so much beauty in a storm » k.q + v.f

9| love? what use is that?

his eyes shot open, instantly meeting vic's. the mere sight of the same eyes from his dream sent a horribly familiar chill through his body as he jumped back in the bed a little. the gasp that came out of kellin's mouth was enough for vic to realise what was going on.

"it was me. wasn't it?"

in every detail of kellin's face, vic came to the same painful realisation. the same lines, over and over and over. it was him.

"what happened, kells? i don't want you to be afraid of me, i just want to make you happy." vic said, putting his hand on kellin's cheek and flicking his gaze from his eyes to the curl of his lips.

"i don't know," kellin breathed in all honesty, cursing his head for the frequent, confusing dreams it forced on him. it made no sense to him. why was he there? why was vic? what did it mean? why was he pulling him down? "i really don't know,"

"i love you," vic whispered, searching for some reassurance in kellin's big, green-blue eyes.

"i love you, too." kellin returned. he meant it, yes, but he knew it was just a storm waiting to happen; that if his dream was telling him that vic was dragging him down, there was nothing he could do to stop it. he didn't want to. he was too invested.

"tell me everything's okay?" vic asked timidly, wanting kellin to hold him like he did so many times before. he wanted to feel warm again.

"everything is okay, darling. we're okay."

but vic was still the problem. he always was. jaime said it, tony said it, his own brother had said it. he closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out his boyfriend's words from that dreadful night.

i dont understand how you can possibly expect anyone to love you like this

"i still love you, no matter what happens," kellin whispered, kissing his forehead.

how can you expect me to stay? i can't even take you out in public anymore.

"and maybe it's different. maybe it's harder for us to do things outside, but i'd rather stay here in this bed than spend my time in a place where i have other things to take up my attention." he continued.

do you know what? i'm done protecting you from them. you want to be like this; you can deal with the consequences.

'—but they'll kill me!' vic had cried.

you asked for this. don't expect us to save you.

"vic? darling, you're shaking," kellin said softly, trying to pull his boyfriend out of his thoughts. "don't be upset. i'm okay, we're okay,"

you love me? jesus christ, vic. what use is that?

"come on, vic. what's going on? i've never seen you shake so much."

you lose everything you love in the end

"vic, look, i'm right here. look at me, you're going to be okay, i promise."

one more fuck up, vic. one more and i'm telling your dad everything.

"vic, please. you're scaring me."

—jaime, you're scaring me

"vic? what should i do? give me a sign, give me something."

your father is going to be so disappointed. he won't care what happens to you after this.

"i've got you, vic. you're safe, i promise."

the last words vic ever heard from jaime, the love of his life were 'you had a choice.' since that day, it was never clear to him why it was that jaime was so mad at vic for wearing what he did. it was just fabric. but he remembered that no one had hated it more than his father. perhaps it was because it reminded him of his wife, maybe that was the reason he hadn't stopped at just enough to kill him, but went on longer than necessary, lashing out at him with as much anger as that of a hurricane.

"come on, vic. you're okay. i promise you're okay. please say something."

"i'm sorry."

"sorry? vic, darling. you have nothing to be sorry for. you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and i never want to lose you," kellin whispered, hugging his boyfriend who had a world of realisation brought to his mind in the space of that sentence.

"never?" he repeated, looking up at kellin with his big brown eyes.

"nope. you're the only good thing left in my life." kellin confirmed, not seeing that his words could do any harm at all. but they did. they caused a lot of harm for vic. his mind was made up, he just needed an opportunity. they would be together eternally.