there's so much beauty in a storm » k.q + v.f

11| warm and dry

"kellin bostwick? you're in the hospital, please don't be alarmed. we need—" a doctor started as kellin shot up.

it was as though kellin had just completely frozen in time from the moment he became unconscious because his thoughts had stayed the exact same. he cared about nothing but ryan's wellbeing. "ryan? where's ryan? oh my god, please tell me he's here, you've got to—"

"please, sir. just calm down for a second. we'll talk in a minute when we know you're okay and—" the doctor pleaded

"i dont give a fuck whether im okay. answer my question because i have to know. did you find ryan ross? he was under the ice, too and if you haven't found him—" kellin rushed out, only stopping when his eyes met the clock on the wall. it had only been around four o clock when they had begun to walk home. it was nine am now. how long had he been here?

"we haven't had a ryan ross admitted in here as far as i'm aware," the doctor said. it was obvious he had no concern for the mentioned boy, regardless of whether he was under the same terrifying circumstances. "please, kellin. if the police had found anyone else they would be here. they did search, nothing was found."

kellin's panicking was getting him nowhere. the doctor refused to help him no matter what he said, insisting that there were tests that needed to be completed and statements to be made. like he could explain any of it? being sent to a psychiatric hospital with such a guilty conscience and a ghost boyfriend was not a good place to be, but that's where he was headed if he told the truth.

when he saw his parents in the doorway he had already used up all of his tears. all he could feel now was that he was in the midst of a hurricane. everything was flying around out of control and he wasn't sure what to do anymore. he couldn't think, he couldn't feel. he couldn't see.

but who would help him? the only person that would understand is vic, and that was the last person kellin thought he could see without breaking down and throwing up his icy organs in his last attempt to speak. oh, how nice death had sounded in that moment.

then, maybe living was his punishment for what he brought into ryan's life. it sure as hell hurt enough to punish him.

"oh, kellin! are you okay, darling? how did this happen? who did it?" his mother asked with no regard for how overwhelming her questions were. kellin soon found refuge in blocking her out, watching through hooded eyes as her mouth moved, her eyes telling him everything he needed to know even though he didn't let himself hear her anymore.

he had no energy left to be happy when she had left, the doctors saying that the next day he would have to make a statement and explain what had happened to the police. he couldn't be bothered to fabricate a lie. he'd much rather slip out of the hospital all together and let death take him if it wanted him.

"kellin?" came another voice that the boy couldn't recognise, his eyes slowly following the plain walls to see brendon stood in the doorway. "i heard what happened and i- i was so worried," he said softly, walking over to the bedside. "tell me you're okay?"

kellin smiled slightly. brendon was the first one to ask about his feelings without wanting to know what had happened. for some reason, that made him feel at ease for the first time since the event, just letting brendon hold him in his eyes. "i'm glad they found you when they did. i really don't know what i'd do if you just stopped coming in. you're like, the only person i actually like at school,"

having attempted to completely block the things that made him uncomfortable him out, vic, ryan and the ice didn't cross his mind once, so he didn't think about the fact that brendon's hand resting on his cheek would upset vic, or the fact that brendon hadn't so much as mentioned ryan. regardless, this didn't seem much like a 'ryan made it out' situation. the doctor would know if he did. maybe brendon just didn't know how guilty kellin was and what had happened to his boyfriend yet.