Nihilism ; Oikage [HIATUS]

I'm Heading Out

-Kageyama-

After mine and Oikawa's kicking competition, I got up and began washing the plate that once held my 'comedically' dyed pancake.

I shook my head slightly at the thought.

Oikawa, though I tend to have the occasional laugh with him, isn't someone I really enjoy being around. He may think so, but I don't think he knows me well enough to judge that.

As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone does.

As is common knowledge at this point, I am not, by any means, a social person. The best time for me is my time spent alone, though even I acknowledge that with enough time spent alone, one is bound to go insane.

In a way, everything I do is primal. It is based purely off of my need to survive and nothing else.

I think of it like a Sims game. That may seem like an imbecile thought process, but hear me out. Every sim you control has its needs in order to keep it healthy and alive.

Hunger, sleep, bladder, hygiene, and the most odd two, social and fun.

I know it's peculiar to try to take apart pieces of human psychology from a game made simply to tide off boredom, but honestly, at this point in my life I am no longer affected by what is considered peculiar and what is considered normal.

...

Anyway.

Social and fun. As much as I and every other antisocial or socially anxious person hates to admit it, they are crucial to a healthy life style.

If you never talk to anybody, you won't have communication skills. If you don't have communication skills, you won't succeed in job interviews. You don't have a stable job, you end up in a worse place mentally then you were when you started.

If you don't have fun, you only have stress. I am not an avid user of common sayings, but 'all work, no play.' is not a life most people want. Constant stress = constant hatred towards yourself and others.

I sigh internally, acknowledging the irony that the one person who manages to annoy me on a daily basis is also, by those means, the one keeping me alive. It's funny how things work like that.

I take a deep breath and shake my head.

It's at this point that I acknowledge the clock next to the sink, and I notice that I've been standing here for five minutes, lost inside my own brain.

I really have to stop doing this in the middle of the kitchen.

I shake my head, going to the door and beginning to step outside the apartment, before shouting back to Oikawa, "I'm heading out, need to clear my head."

I hear a slow patter of his feet as his head pops out of the kitchen, giving me a small smile.

"Have a nice walk!" He says.

I can't help but roll my eyes at his words.

Cheerful bastard.

--

The walk I take is majorly uneventful.

The view is always the same, except that today a little girl dropped her doll in the road and it got ran over by a truck.

That was fun to watch, I guess.

Aside from that, the sky was gray with clouds, the sidewalk had the occasional wrapper or stray piece of plastic on it, and the neon signs above the storefronts were flickering like they always do.

Some men off to the side mumbled as they dully clinked their beers outside a deli, and across the street a woman was on the phone, clearly distressed about what was happening on the other end of the line.

The few trees that actually grew in this part of the city were leafless, as winter was starting to approach. Children tried to climb them anyway, but a few of them fell, clearly not understanding how to grip onto a tree properly.

A stray cat ran through my legs, biting into an already dead rat and continuing its jog, running by people as if they didn't even exist.

I sigh, gazing up at my apartment building that I had managed to loop back around to.

So this is it. This is the world Oikawa calls beautiful.

I just don't get it.