Nihilism ; Oikage [HIATUS]

Foreign Feelings

[Kageyama]

Why did I do that? Why would I go out of my way to do something nice for Oikawa, the guy who's only ever been a pain in the ass to me?

I hit myself in the face repeatedly, shaking my head back and forth to get my mind back in place.

Deep down, I know the reason why I did it. I just really, really do not want to acknowledge it.

I don't want to acknowledge the twinge I felt in my heart when I saw his usually happy face drowned out by despair and confusion.

I don't want to acknowledge that the things that used to get on my nerves now make me blush.

I don't want to acknowledge the fact that I've never felt this way about someone before.

And I especially don't want to acknowledge that what I'm currently feeling fits under almost every definition of being in like with someone.

I groan at the thought, repeatedly hitting myself in the face. It's not every day I get a crush. In fact, I've never had one before. I always hated people.

But this... this is different.

Oikawa is different.

He cares. Nobody has ever truly cared for me before.

Even my parents weren't always there for me. There were many days that I would come home from school and call out for them, only to be greeted with an empty home. Not even a note to explain their absence.

When they did come home, it would be late, and they wouldn't want to talk to me because of how exhausted they were.

Not to make them seem like bad parents or anything, because all of their hard work was put towards keeping me alive and well, but I do wish I had them there when I needed them.

But... things are different now.

I have him.

He was the one who checked in on me when I was feeling down.

The day we watched Beauty and the Beast, I had brushed everything off. I suppressed what I was feeling and put every thought about it at the back of my brain.

I was afraid.

Afraid of liking someone. A guy, nonetheless.

I know how society treats people that like the same sex. We're frowned upon, we're cursed at, we're told we'll be banished to hell.

All these years I never thought that maybe some day those words would be directed at me.

But now... who knows?

Oikawa has managed to flip my entire world upside down, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want him to have such an affect on my life, but he does.

And he doesn't even know about it.

-
A/N
I'm so sorry that this was so short- but I am leaving for Greenland in two hours and likely will not be able to post anything here for the next week or so, so I just wanted to upload this while I could.