(miya's p.o.v)
Carl was silent for a small moment. He looked nervous, like he was afraid to tell me what happened.
"Carl, explain. And I want the truth," I demanded, sounding just a little harsh.
"Okay, okay. So, I was in the kitchen with a few seniors. They were drinking and talking about hot chicks and shit. Then, one of them took out a small bag of pills and said they were, and I quote, "Some good fucking pain killers". He offered me a few and I accepted. I took two. About 10 minutes later, everything was getting pretty fuzzy. A girl walked up to me and grabbed my hand, lead me to your room, and shoved me on the bed. I don't know what I was thinking, but then I realized the girl wasn't you, it was Dominique." He stopped talking like that was all he had to tell me.
"Continue," I rudely urged him.
"I didn't do anything to stop her, Miya. I just let her take her close off and t-touch me and... Kiss me. Then, you ran in and it was like seeing your face made me turn sober again..." he stopped and his face suddenly flushed with guilt. I felt tears well in my eyes and I looked away. "Miya, I'm so sorry." He tried to grab my hand but I pulled away.
I want to forgive him, I really do. But, at the same time, I'm still really pissed at him.
I looked out the window and wiped away a tear that fell on my cheek.
"Miya, say something please," his voice cracked, making a piece of my heart break.
"I think I need some space for a little while," I got up, slowly, out of the booth. He gently grabbed hand and looked up at me. "Please, don't leave me." A tear fell onto his cheek and quitly looked away not wanting me to see him cry. Fuck, I made him cry.
I held back the tears that were trying so hard to pour out, and I bent down over him and kissed the top of his head. I let my lips lay there for a moment and then I straightened back up and walked out of the diner, heading back home.
•••
I unlocked the door to the house and walked in, closing and re-locking the it behind me. I plopped on the couch and turned on the TV. 2 Fast and 2 Furious was on.
I tried to focus on the movie but I couldn't. Not with the lump in my throat. Not with the tears already welled up in my eyes. Certainly not with Carl on my mind. I cannot stop thinking about him.
I miss him so much. I miss his smile, his comfort, his warmth, his love. I miss his inner beauty and strength. I began to sob. I turned off the TV and threw the remote, seeing Paul Walker made me want to cry even more than I already wanted to.
I ran up to my room and laid down on my bed. I continued to sob until I felt like I cried enough. I wiped my tears and got up. I opened my closet and pulled out a pair of sweatpants. I threw them on and searched around the bottom for a comfy shirt to wear.
I bent down and picked one up, examining it. It was one of Carl's t-shirts. I smiled remembering when he came over a few weeks ago and threw a pile of shirts into my closet. He never told me why he did that, but I never minded.
I decided to wear it. It still smelled like him.
I walked into the bathroom and turned on the sink. I grabbed my face wash out of the cabinet and began to wash the make up off my face. When I was finished, I took out my braids. I ran my fingers threw my hair and stared into the mirror.
I started to see all the pain in my eyes and shame washed threw me. I had no right to feel pain after what I did. Carl opened up to me and I just left him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm such a dumbass. He means everything to me and I was a bitch to him.
"Fuck," I whispered to myself in the mirror. "You, Miya Henderson, are a fucking dumbass."
I rolled my eyes at myself and walked back into my room and plopping down on my bed. I crawled under the covers and tried to fall asleep, but I couldn't. Not tonight.
•••
I stayed awake the whole night. I didn't get 1 minute of sleep.
"Hey," Debbie peeked her head into the room. I sat right up, wondering how she got into the house.
"How'd you get into the house," I asked.
"The spare key you hide inside that fake rock outside," she answered shrugging.
"Oh..." I rested back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
"Miya, what the hell are you doing. You have to get ready for school. We have to talk about what you want to do for your birthday," she said, tugging on my arm trying to pull me up.
I looked at her blankly, "My birthday?"
"Yes, your birthday. Did you seriously forget the day you were born," she asked in an annoyed tone.
"Shit, I think I actually did," I face palmed myself and lazily got up out of bed, pulling off my sweatpants and throwing on some jeans. I pulled my hair into a pony tail and put a jacket on.
"Is that Carl's t-shirt," I looked down and realized I was still wearing his shirt. I zipped up my jacket and grabbed my bookbag. I put my vans on and headed out the door.
"Mi, are you okay? You seem really... Down. Is this about Carl," she asked as we started walking down the sidewalk.
"Yes, this is about Carl and about how big of a dumbass I am."
"Okay, first of all, you're not a dumbass, my brother is. Second of all, can you just tell me what the hell is going on."
"Debbie he fucking opened up to me and I left him. I was such a bitch to him yesterday. What the fuck is wrong with me," I stopped walking and covered my face with my hands.
"That's why he came home crying last night," Debbie said.
I looked up, guilt washed over me. I made him cry, I really made the love of my life cry.
"What?"
"Yeah, I mean Carl never cries. Honestly, I only see him cry once every two years," Debbie said, like it was no big deal.
"Fuck, I can't take this shit anymore," I pulled my phone out of my bookbag and texted Carl.
Me: Hey, meet me before first period at the park, asap.
I waited a few seconds until my phone made a "ding" sound.
Carl: Okay.
"I gotta go. I'll see you later, Debs," I said as I started running to the park.
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Sorry, I haven't updated in a few days. I hope you guys enjoy this update I didn't know what I was going to do with this chapter, lol.
vote and comment, love you guys xoxo.
