Latter Day Sinner

Chapter 11

"Father? Can I ask you something?" Frank asked one Sunday afternoon. He was lounging on the man's sofa, sipping a can of diet coke while Gerard sat by his desk, drawing furiously, his leg leaning against the wall.
Gerard smiled and manoeuvred himself around to face Frank.

"Alright. Only if I can ask something after," he murmured, tilting his head to the side.

Things had been weird between them in the following two weeks. Not 'bad', necessarily. But strange. Frank spent pretty much all of his free time after school and on the weekends with Gerard – with, of course, the exception of band practice on Mondays. They were friendly – mostly. Sometimes Gerard would become drawn and cold, and that was okay – Frank just let him have a couple of days to himself, and then they'd be okay.

They'd flirt sometimes, but it was generally unintentional – at least, on Gerard's part. Frank was still hopeful, even if he knew that he couldn't have him.
That's what brought him to this moment. Mia reminded him helpfully that he still hadn't asked Gerard about what had happened the last time he'd been tempted to break his vows. And while Frank didn't really want to hear it (not that he'd be jealous), he knew it was potentially very helpful.

"Ah, can you come over here?" Frank asked with an apologetic smile. Gerard rolled his eyes and sighed as if it were a great issue, but smiled. He grabbed his stick from the floor and gestured to Frank, who obediently rose to his feet to assist him, wrapping his arm around his waist.

He'd like to say that he'd gotten over the excitement that ran through him every time he got to touch him like this, but he hadn't. He felt the sharp jut of his hipbone, the feminine swell of his waist. He got to smell that heady, yet sweet scent, so close to him, filling his nose and his brain and making him dizzy.
And then it was over. He slid Gerard down onto the sofa and sat next to him, smiling fondly. Gerard looked amused, but nodded.

"Go on," he murmured. Frank sighed for a second, thinking about phrasing before he spoke.

"Have you ever...ever been tempted? Y'know, to break your vows?" he asked softly. Gerard clearly hadn't been expecting that. His eyebrows raised and he looked taken aback. Almost pained, from the way he winced. He dropped his eyes, a blush blossoming under his cheeks as he chewed at his lip.

"Uh. Frank I mean...we've...talked about this-"

"Oh, no. Not me. I didn't mean me. I meant...y'know, before," he clarified. Gerard relaxed, but only marginally. He was still visibly tense, and Frank was a little worried that he'd offended him.
After a moment, though, he replied.

"Once," he murmured. Frank nodded and glanced up.

"Yeah? What happened?" he asked softly.
Gerard bit his lip, before he sighed, waving a hand gently.

"He was...he was training to be a Priest," Gerard said softly, wrapping his arms around himself. He had a faraway, almost dazed look in his eyes. He wasn't even in the room anymore – his head and his heart, at least, were a thousand miles away, in a land Frank knew he could never visit.
"I was meant to be training him, but instead we got close. Really close..."
He let out a bitter breath.
"Too close."

Gerard leaned back, scratching absently at the faint wounds along his thigh as he thought.

"Nothing ever happened. We were all talk. We were gonna run away together and leave the Church. But in the end, he couldn't do it. He said that God was everything, and that he couldn't abandon everything he'd worked for. So I let him go," he shrugged softly.
"I didn't even get to kiss him," he murmured, his voice laced with regret.