Inside of Me ━ Isabelle Lightwood

XXIII. FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING

Isaac didn't know how to feel anymore. The wedding was so close, it was the next day, and he still didn't know how to feel about it. He admitted, he was strongly against the marriage when he first heard of it, seeing the heartbroken expression on Magnus' face, but now he just didn't know how to feel.

Marriages were meant to solidify love, to bind people together forever who love and support each other and will be there through everything – through sickness and health. But Alec and Lydia didn't love each other, that much was clear.

Couples who loved each other couldn't keep their hands off each other. Couples would wrap their arms around their lovers and send love struck smiles and gazes at them. That wasn't them. Maybe that wasn't for Shadowhunters, to PDA, but at least you would be able to see that twinkle in their eyes when they spoke about the marriage. Isaac saw it. He saw how loveless they were in that meeting, Lydia talking about the elders and mentioning the wedding and there was no love in her eyes.

So it begs the question, why were they getting married in the first place? It was for family, Alec said, for the Lightwood name. But that named was tarnished, yet he sought to build it up again – restore it. And forever he would doom himself and Lydia to a loveless marriage, which was crueler than anything. Knowing that your spouse would never love you, that they just married you for family and image, not love.

He was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if he would be subjected to a loveless life. If he would watch Isabelle do the same thing as Alec, marry someone for family. But that wasn't Isabelle. Isabelle was the girl who loved too much, liked to love people, but he had to remind himself that Isabelle was trying to change.

She was trying to become Alec. She was trying to become the one her family praised as well instead of the subject of her mother's disapproval. She wouldn't fall for Isaac, a werewolf, she would fall for a respectable Shadowhunter if she were to continue changing herself. And he would be there, probably, watching them get married and doing nothing about it. He wouldn't stand up, proclaim his love for her at her own wedding, he would simply watch as she looked up to the Shadowhunter with love struck eyes and watch as they got married.

He would give everything up for her to be happy, even if it meant he wasn't a part of her life. He would watch her fall in love a million times if it meant she was happy. He would support her every step of the way, be her shoulder to cry on if that's what she wanted. He would do anything for Isabelle to be happy, even if it meant he wouldn't be happy himself.

God, that wedding. It was messing with him more than it should. He shouldn't be wondering about his loveless life watching Isabelle be happy with someone else, he should be thinking about how beautiful Lydia would look in her dress. Or how the scenery would be on point, the food delicious, and everything perfect. He shouldn't be thinking about Isabelle, yet he was.

And then, his thoughts ended with a knock on his door. Slowly, he got up to open the door, not really wanting to, only to see Isabelle standing there with a smile. Instantly, he felt his mood lift up at the sight of her.

"Hey," he breathed, taking in the sight of her in that dress that looked to fancy and old for fun Isabelle to wear. But she wasn't the same person anymore, she was trying be her mother, he had to remind himself.

"Hi," she smiled, looking around his room before meeting his eyes, "Can I come inside."

Immediately he shuffled, "Oh, yeah, sure. Come on in." She swiftly walked into the room and made her way to his bed. "What brings you here?"

"What? I can't just be here to enjoy your company or anything?" she playfully asked.

Isaac chuckled, "No, you can. But the wedding is soon, so I assume that it has something to do with that."