Ranting, Raging, and General Fangirliness [FIRST OF MANY BOOKS] {COMPLETED}

The second Burt lol

HIYA *smiles manically*
YES I AM MANIACAL TODAY
MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
I just have a little something something for you to say
TO THE DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL:
(Make sure to tell them the following, or if you are depressed and/or suicidal then just keep reading)

Remember that YOU CANNOT TRUST YOUR OWN BRAIN. Depression is where your brain is not functioning properly, giving you false feelings via chemistry. Thus, it gives you false feelings about other things as well. You think cutting your skin will make you feel better? FALSE. Cutting is like sugar; a short thrill and Poof! It's gone. (Trust me when I say this because one of my former friends cut sometimes. It makes it worse.)
My advice for crawling out of the hole? Well, I have a few important steps for ya.

Step 1:
Find something to do that involves helping others. It makes you feel good. A lot better than causing pain on yourself. Even if you don't want to do it- DO IT. Remember that your brain doesn't have a quack's idea what the quackity quack is going on. It's just a bunch of lil' neutrons running around in there, screaming.
But back to the point . . .
Make someone smile. Make them laugh. Help your little sibling with their homework. Do your OWN homework while you're at it. (It's due soon!)

Step 2:
DO NOT SLEEP IN. No matter what others tell you, sleeping in doesn't do you any good. Set the clock to 5:30 am (Or whatever time gives you about an hour before school). Remove the snooze button. Even better, move the alarm clock across the room and set it to that loud BEEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP setting so you have to get out of bed to turn it off. Take a shower, and brush your teeth while in the shower (Saves time). Grab a poptart (Maybe set up a Pee Wee Herman style breakfast maker machine in your spare time . . .) and make your lunch (Or not- if you're willing to eat mystery meat). Get everything ready. (Don't forget that homework from step one!!). Go to the bus stop (Or not if you don't need it) and wait. While you wait, stand, wearing your backpack and holding all the stuff you have to bring to school today. Breathe in deeply, (A full 8 seconds!!!) and slowly exhale. Think of something that makes you laugh. Not a 'heh heh' laugh, a full on hysterical giggling guffaw. (I have a large amount of them in my book, Dumb Things I've Said: Volume One if you need it). Then, don't hold it in. Let out that laugh. Laugh like nobody's watching. Even if someone is watching, it'll just make them laugh too (Laughter is contagous- and they're not laughing at you!!!!)

Step 3:
Think nobody likes you? Think you have no friends? I like you. I'll be your friend.
That's my motto. Make it yours too!! It would surprise you just how many people feel lonely in just one school. Are you usually the corner-sulker? Find another one and say "Hi. I'm (Insert your name here). I'm looking for a few friends." It can be a guy, a girl, a transgender,or anyone as long as you're willing. If they refuse, refuse their refusal. Don't take no for an answer. They make a hurtful comment? They're just trying to make you go away. Don't. I've lost many good friends that way. I push them away without even realizing why, and I regret it deeply later on. Become their friend.

Step 4:
Stop joking about satan worship. It's not funny. Stop joking about how worthless you are, or how stupid, unhealable, or unlovable you are. Beause you are not worthless unless you MAKE yourself worthless. Become Priceless. (Sounds the same- really isn't. Who knew?)
If you must joke, joke like I do. Casual humour and fandom refereces. And comedy is all about the . . .

. . . timing. (Gotchyaaa!!!!!)

Step 5:
Don't take insults too personally. I mean, if you don't know anything about the person other than their URL, how could they possibly know wtf you are going through? It's the same vice versa, too. Don't be that Dark Emo 'F*ck you all' person (It's a real killjoy) because you could be the person who brings happiness to others, thus making happiness in you as well.
I'm friends with this guy who thinks life is meaningless. That everything is meaningless. (Looking at you, Chris!) Well, It's only meaningless if you make it so. You want life to mean nothing? You want to spend the rest of your life wallowing in your own despair? How do you know this isn't your only chance to make something out of your life? Because it might be your last shot.
Look, if you try all of this, tell yourself, "It can't get any worse than it already is. Might as well try."
And even if it DOES get worse, well,
It's always darkest before the dawn, after all.
See ya! Hope this helps! Feel free to ask questions so I can make another 5 steps to dealing with Life (I'm following my own advice here, you guys. I can tell you if it works or not. We're in the same boat.)

Like? Love? Whatever?
Eh . . .
Okay idk how to leave so imma just poof now.
*poof!*