Inseparable

4. Deciding

Before I knew it, Ricky and JC had practically carried me into the room, too weak to walk. Through my sobs, JC explained to me and the rest of the boys that Jackie had been in a car accident around 4am her time. She was in an intesive care unit and in critical condition. The nurse on the phone didn't give JC any details beyond that. As the boys all tried to speak and say they were sorry, it hit me. Car accident around 4am. 4am was around 7am here. We texted around then. She was texting and driving. It was my text. "I should have called her dammit!" I yelled and rolled over in the bed, burying my face in the pillows. I felt Trevor and Sam leave the room quietly as Ricky, Kian, and JC sat on the bed around me. 

Someone gently touched my shoulder, then spoke "what'd you say?" a long pause, as frustration filled my mind. "Connor, talk to us, please." Kian was practically begging of me.

I let out a yelp of pain and tears into the pillow before I turned over and sat up. They quickly surrounded me with open arms. "I..texted..her." I broke into tears again into JC's shoulder. He stiffened under me as he realized what I had said through my tears. 

Ricky spoke up for the first time, "Connor, she's going to be okay." He rubbed my back until I shook it off. I sat up to look at him. How could he say that? He had no idea if that were true. Nobody had any idea if she was okay or what was going on in my head.

"Can you guys please...just...go?" I choked back some tears, "I need...some..time" None of them moved for a few seconds as if they were communicating telepathically asking each other if they should go or not. Then all at once, they all silently left the room.

I walked across the room to my phone that was laying on the desk. I took it back to my bed and stared at the 7 missed calls from the night before. How had I missed seven? I shook off the thought and went to my text messages. I read through our conversation from this morning until I had it memorized. Then I read almost all of our recent messages about how we missed and loved each other. She would complain about her online classes and I would complain about annoying things the boys were doing. Then I would tell her how great the tour was, but that I missed her terribly. I didn't think I could miss her more than I did last week, but now, that seemed so irrelevant. Now, I missed Jackie more than ever.

I must have fallen asleep at some point reading the messages because I woke up to JC coming into the room and sitting beside me as I sat up confused. "hey" he said softly. I gave him a slight head nod, too exhausted to say anything. "We all talked about it and talked to the management, and if you want to skip the next couple shows to fly back to Jackie, do it. If you want us there, we'll be there and we can reschedule the shows. Whatever you want to do, it's your call."

"Really?" I finally choked out over tears welling up in my throat. He nodded and patted my back. I fiddled with the blankets between my fingers as I thought about it. I finally looked up to him, "I have to see her. I have to see her now."

"Okay," he said nodding his head, "do you want us to come back with you?"

As I thought about the amount of people who would be disappointed in any decision I make, I knew that it didn't matter. The fans would learn to get over it or move on. I, would not. I tried to imagine sitting in a hospital without my best friends by my side. A tear rolled down my cheek and I brushed it away, "I need you guys there"

"It's okay, Con" said JC as he pulled me into a hug. "We'll take care of the details, you just take care of yourself right now, okay?" I nodded as I sobbed into his shoulder once again. He also tried to tell me it would be okay and that everything would work out. I just ignored it. "I'm gonna go tell the boys what you decided and we'll go from there, okay?"

The rest of the afternoon was a blur. Somehow everyone else packed up our stuff as I laid in the bed with my phone clenched in my hand. Then, we ended up in a car. Sam had opened the car door and carried my bags into the airport. Ricky put his hand on my back and led me through the blurry airport until we reached our seats on a plane. I sat emotionless the entire flight. I didn't listen to music, read, or talk. I stared blankly, thinking about Jackie. Every now and then one of the guys would ask if I needed anything, but the answer was always no. I wanted to hold Jackie in my arms. I wanted to see her smile at me. When we landed in LA, the airport was the same blur the North Carolina one had been. The same routine was used in getting off the plane and into a car. 

After what seemed like the longest car ride ever, we arrived at a hospital. We all take in a deep breath and let it go before we opened the car doors and headed toward the entrance.