Light Upon Light

#40 The Day of Mixed Emotions

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Hey people!

Chapter 40 is here.

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#40 The Day of Mixed Emotions

I decided that Zaid Hashim had a concussion yesterday.

That could be the only reason why a boy who was allergic to girls would wait up to talk to me. And what a conversation! Every time I analysed it, I had the urge to pull out my hairs. In all of the four-five months I've been here, Zaid has paid as much attention to me as he would to a fly. Imagine me, Junaina Javed Ali, comparing myself to a fly!

For the first time in my life, I was intrigued by a boy. For the first time in my life, a boy doesn't seem to be attracted to me. This boy is not only attractive himself, he shows so little of himself to me that I am curious. Always. I just keep trying to find explanations for his behavior. He crosses my mind so often that I have every feature of his memorized: from his neatly combed hair to the way he's about a head taller than me. And as for him, it's a wonder that he recognizes me when he refuses to look at me!

Then one fine day he decides to yell at me for getting back at an ass who has been bothering both of us. As if all the conflicting emotions I had about him weren't enough. The good thing about his little demonstration, I got a reason to force myself to ignore him. I would have tried my best until I succeeded.

And then yesterday happened.

I am certain he went and banged his head really hard. He came to apologize. And he had the audacity to suggest that he was the cause for my terse behavior.

Not that he was wrong.

He's not supposed to point it out though. He went out of his way to wait up to apologize and he has left me more confused and conflicted than ever. My mind was back to over analysing every word he said, every gesture, every expression of his. I was going over the scenario in my head again and again and again.

I can't even explain how maddening it is.

It was either a concussion or bipolarity.

There's no other justification that comes to my mind to rationalize Zaid Hashim's irritating character.

'Juni!' I was startled as Di shook me up and drew me out of my Zaid induced haze. 'What's wrong?' I asked as I spooned in some khichhdi.

'That's what I'd like to ask. Since yesterday you've been acting weird. Everything okay at school?' Di asked, setting a mug of coffee in front of me and Samar. The latter stared at me out of the corner of his eyes. I gulped.

Tacking on a fake smile I reassured her. 'I'm fine. Everything is fine.'

'You sure?' She pressed, narrowing her eyes.

'Why wouldn't I be?' I inquired, raising my brows. She scrutinized me for a few seconds and then mercifully let things go. ' If you say so.'

If she did know that I was hiding something, she didn't push me to spill it. It was unlike her usual nature of pelting me with questions until I either told her or snapped at her. And I was grateful for that.

Samar was not like Di. When she left to go sit with Dadi and it was just the two of us and the ayahs in the kitchen, he got on to my case.

'I knew there something was off,' He referred to our last conversation at school.

'Not that again!' I complained, taking a sip of my coffee.

He was done with his breakfast. He didn't budge from his seat and run to the courtyard as usual. He just sat and watched me have breakfast.