Torn ||Luke Hemmings|| AU

9

Luke's POV

I haven't smoked a cigarette in three weeks.

That's how much I care about her. I know I barely know Jazmyn but I feel like I have known her forever. She says she's happy with Calum and I do respect that. I actually think that they are good together he makes her happy. She smiles a lot when she is with him, her smile is beautiful and it makes me happy, even if I'm not the reason she is smiling. Calum is better for her than I could ever be though.

If she knew half my story she probably wouldn't talk to me anymore. She'd be scared off just like everyone else.

I wonder what Calum would think about our midnight rendezvous. He'd probably get concerned at first and then once Jazmyn reassured him it wasn't like that and he would go back to being his relaxed self.

I wish I could be as happy as them, I wish my family was still here and that I had people who really cared. I do it's just not the same. I can't go home to my actual mom. They left me and it's all my fault. I wish that night had never happened. I wish that I could have took back the things I said, the things I did.

My head pounds as I lay restlessly in my bed with the thought of the memory. It flashes by me the screaming and the shouting. So. Fucking. Stupid. The glass shattering. My mom shrieking as Ben began to bleed. My body frozen and eyes wide in shock at realization of what I had just done.

I was eleven and there weren't many things that pissed me off, I was a pretty easy going child. I hated being ignored though and I hated being locked out. It made me feel so alone. Everyone always spoke with hushed voices around the house to each other, they were keeping things from me. I wasn't stupid.

My own parents began to ignore me. My brothers weren't talking to me either and I didn't have very many friends, I was conserved. I felt forgotten, no one paid any attention to me anymore. The last time someone had actually had a conversation with me was five days ago and that was so my dad could chastise me for failing a math test. The last time I has been told I love you was two and a half weeks ago by my mom. No one cared anymore.

One day I stumbled into Ben's room. I sat on his bed reading a book. He walked in on me just sitting there reading and he totally flipped out.

"Get out!" He yelled dragging me off the bed.

"Let go of me!" I demanded flailing in his grip. He effortlessly threw me onto the ground my back landing hard on the edge of his nightstand.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed and before my brain could even process what was happening I was punching him and I couldn't stop.

"Luke!" Jack yelled trying to rip me away from Ben. "Luke, what's wrong?"

Jack tries to calm me down but it is impossible. Blood trickles onto my hand and my mom comes into the room.

"Luke! Get off your brother." She drags me off of him long enough for him to scramble away. "Lucas Robert Hemmings! What the hell?" She scolds me and I pick up a glass cup that was left on the nightstand. I examine it in my hands keeping my eyes locked on Ben.

"You fucking waste of space no good brother! I fucking hate you! I wish you'd die!" Jack screams at me trying to get to me but my father holds him back.

My heart sinks in my stomach and it shatters into a million pieces. My body grows cold and something takes over and it's not me that is thinking anymore. It's a monster. I throw the glass so it hits the wall and ricochets breaking and penetrating Ben's skin as he bleeds from all his arms and exposed skin. My parents look at me their eyes widening in fear.

"Luke."Ben's voice brought me back to reality and my eyes widened.

"What... happened?" I ask gaping at the scene.

"Get him out! Get it out!" My mom shrieked. "Call the cops something."

During the night that night as I lay wide awake in my bed, Jack came and say down on my bed.

"Aren't you afraid of me?" I asked him my voice shaking. "Don't you hate me too?"

He took my hand as he said, "I don't hate things that I don't understand. I don't hate my family. Mom wants to leave for a little bit. So I'm going." Jack told me quietly.

"Should I pack?" I asked him sitting up.

"No, just stay here and try to get some rest. I love you little buddy, goodbye." He told me before leaving my room.

The next morning I woke up and I knew what it truly meant to be alone.y