Torn ||Luke Hemmings|| AU

19

Jazmyn POV

What the fuck did I just do? I was supposed to be controlling myself and not leading him on, not throwing myself at him. The thing is, I didn't want to stop, kissing him was so different from kissing Calum, so foreign. I really liked it, as much as I hate to admit it, I am hooked on the tattooed, pierced drug, that is Luke Hemmings.

I don't want to do that to Calum though, I can't do that to Calum and I sit there and explain this to myself on the guest bed in Luke's house. I am not ready to go home and deal with Zayn. I don't even want to look at him he made me have to get stitches. He hurt me and I don't know if it counts as abuse because it isn't on going but I am terrified of him now.

I am staying at Luke's for a few more days and Calum has agreed to bring my clothes over for me. I am not staying with Calum because it is too accessible for Zayn. I am thankful now for Luke because if he wasn't here I would have no where to go.

Every time I look at Luke though especially in his shirtless tattooed state I want to kiss him, this is a constant reminder of why I need to either get over what happened with Zayn soon or find somewhere else to live. I will not cheat on Calum. Not more than I already have at least, I need to separate myself from Luke for a little bit. I call Calum and tell him that I want to do something today, something fun and exciting.

"But what about your head? It doesn't need a lot of stress on it." He asks and my stomach fills with a warm sensation at his concern and worry for me. He is so sweet and kind.

"Oh. I almost forgot." I lie the constant throbbing in my head had been plenty reminder enough. Then there was the fact that instead of being in my own bed I was in Luke's guest bed.

"It's fine. Maybe we could go to the movies?" he suggests and I smile looking through the bag of clothes he got me for a band t-shirt and shorts. I find a Ramones tank top and I lay it out in front of me.

"That sounds wonderful. So come pick me up around two or three." I tell him looking at my limited shoe selection here. Black Converse, Black Doc Martens and my flip-flops. I decide on the Converse because it is much too warm outside for Doc Martens and flip- flops would look silly with the outfit.

"Yeah. You are still at Luke's right?" He asks his voice dropping slightly at the thought of me being alone with Luke for such a long period of time. I can't blame him, especially after last night.

"Yeah. Hopefully, I'll be out of here soon. Or else they might make me start paying rent." I laugh at my own bad joke trying to ease the tension. "So I'll see you in like two hours." My tone is very light because I don't want to disturb anything else and I want to seem as 'okay' as possible. Calum doesn't need anymore stress on his shoulders than he already has.

I look out the window and onto the city scape and it isn't a half bad view. We are perched on a hill far away enough that I can see the Space Needle and the abstract colored building beside it known as the EMP Museum. Key Arena looms in the near distance beside them, there was a time when I was much, much younger when I wanted to perform there.

"Yeah. I'll see you then." His tone sounds happier and lighter now as we get off the phone exchanging 'I-Love-You's'.

I sigh as I tug my shirt over my head. I know what I have to do. I pad over to Luke's room opening the door so there is barely a crack. I am awestruck at the sight of him with the amber wood guitar in his hands. It looks so natural and honestly I don't think it is really helping me with demolishing my feelings for him.

I stand there behind the cracked door so he can't see me. He begins plucking out a beautiful melody on the strings and his voice sings words that are not audible. I hate to interrupt him when the music sounds so beautiful but I have to talk to him and explain to him.

"Hey Luke." I say quietly stepping in and sitting on his bed similar to that if what I did last night.

He looks up startled from his guitar and he immediately gives me his attention setting it on the floor beside him. "That sounded really good." I start out with a positive thing rather than a negative thing although it is clear that he never meant for me to hear him in the first place so I have messed up by hearing his beautiful music.

"What?" He swallows the word hard as if he may be allergic to my presence and I am inflaming his throat.

"Look, what happened last night it was wrong and it can't ever happen again between us. Not while I'm with Calum. Okay? He has done a lot for me as have you and I can't lose him. I am just here to correct my mistakes though." I tell him quickly explaining everything I have pondered over the past 24 hours and everything I have stressed to myself.

"Wait so are you leaving?" He asks me sounding like a well blended mix of disappointed and concerned.

"No. I'm just going to the movies with Calum." I tell him my lip tugging up in a smile with this price of newly gained knowledge, with evidence that he cares.

"Oh." he says sounding slightly ticked off. I don't ask why because I already know. It is because I am maintaining what I have with Calum, pretending that nothing ever happened between Luke and I. I know this because I had the same thought earlier. I had decided on not telling Calum and breaking his heart because it was only a one time thing. It wasn't like we had sex. I explain this to Luke but he still gives me the same blank expression telling me he is pissed off.

I groan in frustration with him and I blow hot air out of my mouth. I put my head on my hands careful not to touch the stitches. I only look up when he finally speaks again, "I don't think I can never kiss you again because now that I have every time you are near me I want to. Every time you speak I wish you were closer so you would whisper it and it could be our secret. I need you, and I don't think I could let you go Jazmyn and I'm sorry." His expression is serious and urgent so I can tell he isn't being a jackass about it or sarcastic or whatever. He means it. I wish that I could tell him the same thing because oddly enough it is true. But I can't leave Calum. Calum and I have so much that will fall with us too if we break up. I can't respond with words so I respond with an action and I lean over and kiss his cheek and I leave his room before he has time to say anything.

Calum calls me to tell me he is outside and I yell to Luke to tell him I am leaving. I run into my loving boyfriends arms and he encases me tightly against his body kissing my forehead and telling me he is sorry.

"It's okay, Cal."I promise pressing my lips to his and I hear a small thud as he leans against the car pulling me closer. He kisses me more passionately and I pull away, complaining that my head hurts. When in reality this is the first time it hasn't hurt since the injury occurred, I just couldn't stop comparing him to Luke.