A Dumb Transboy's Book of Poems

Change

Wanted to come out to my father as queer,
Instead came out as a cutter,
The time for the truth is near,
Still not accepted by my mother,
This life may seem like too much,
I'm struggling but my head is up,
I'm trying for you now,
People come and people go,
The only people I truly know,
Are the voices in my right brain,
Saying don't live my life in vain.

Can I flash forward through the dark days,
Move in a new direction,
Can I change who I've become,
Is is this as close to perfection,
As I'll ever get,
Can I come closer yet?

Wanted everyone to know,
That I'm me and no,
I won't change,
Just because you don't love me,
Like you love her,
Doesn't mean I should quit,
What will I learn,
If I close my eyes,
Just for a little while?

I want to sleep,
Go to bed forever,
She wanted the same,
Then got over it,
When will I get over it yet?
Scars do bleed,
But eventually heal,
I'm sorry dad,
Didn't know you'd react this way,
Maybe if I'd said it another day,
Or if I changed the expression on my face,
When you looked me in the eyes,
And said, "Show me your arms",
But I hid behind false sentences,
For years and years.

I'll only ever change,
For me,
If that makes me self-centered,
Well then we'll see,
And who would I be?
Who would believe?
I only care about myself,
Because no one will do it for me,
But I guess that's not true,
Because I'll open my eyes and see,
Just how much,
The world has changed.