The Longest Five Years (Completed)

Reagan

6 Years Ago

"I want to take you somewhere..." Luke says pushing away the straps of my tank top so he can kiss my bare shoulders. "Somewhere warm and far away," I can feel his smile against my skin. He leans in closer to rest his chin on my shoulder, and his stubble gives me shivers.

I turn slightly to meet him.

"Like a vacation?" I ask, threading my fingers through the hair above his ears. "Just us?"

His eyes crinkle when he smiles. "Just us. It'd be nice to get away for awhile. What do you think?"

"I think I'd go anywhere with you. Even out in that," I tip my head toward the frosty window.

"Oh yeah?" His eyes light up and I immediately regret what I said. He yanks the blankets off me and his warm hands start a tickle war on my ribs. I'm so busy fighting him off that I completely miss that he's lifted me off the bed. Now we're running. Fast.

"No, Luke! Shit," I laugh. "I take it back!" I giggle and he throws me over him until the base of my ribs hits his shoulder. I can tell where we're headed, even backwards. I squeal and laugh as he carries me down the stairs, past the Christmas tree and to the back door. He opens it, slings me forward so his hand is on the small of my back, like we're dancing. I wrap my hands around his neck to avoid falling, but I know he won't drop me.

"You wouldn't dare," I challenge him with an eyebrow. "I know you won't,"

It's been snowing for nearly two days and there's got to be two feet blanketing the ground by now. It's kind of a blessing, because we've been stuck here alone since Thursday.

My parents left to visit my aunt and uncle well before the storm started, and Erin's been staying at her college roommate's house for the last week in Virginia. For the last two days, we've been playing house, and it's everything I could've imagined. He's supposed to go back to school in two days and I'm hoping the storm will further delay it.

I'm already starting to ache. I always miss him when he leaves, and it's only getting harder. It's the first I've seen him since my birthday weekend at the cabin and I'm not ready to say goodbye again. Everything feels different.

"Give me one reason not to drop you in this snow hill," he laughs. "Because all I can see coming out of this is a hot shower for two, hot chocolate by the fire, and some warm-you-up sex."

When he puts it like that, it doesn't seem seem that bad.

The tips of my hair brush lightly against the snow as I dangle from his arms.

"One. Two. Three!" He lets go and I squeal, but he catches me and pulls me straight into his chest, and we crash backward onto the kitchen floor instead.

We're laughing.

"You're a bully," I tease, sticking out my tongue. "Why'd you chicken out?" I ask, my icy hair now falling all over his bare chest. "Afraid you'd have to go to the grocery store by yourself when this mess clears out?" I move my hands on either side of his head and lean in to press a kiss on his warm lips. "'Do you have your savings card, sir?'" I twist my voice into the crotchety old voice of Ethel, the lady at the market who runs a tight ship when it comes to her checkout line.

"Oh, don't do that," he pushes me off playfully cringing. "You'll sound just like her!" But when I get up to move off him, he tugs me back down fiercely.

"But really. I'd never actually do it," he admits. "It's sure fun to tease you, though. Your eyes get really big and beautiful..." He pulls me in for another kiss my insides melt. "But speaking of groceries, it's getting pretty bare around here. We should probably throw on the boots and try to heave our way out of the driveway. I'll put on a pot of coffee,"

I nod and he sits us up until we're eye to eye. His cheeks are pink and his hair is every which way from earlier; he's completely gorgeous this way, and I want to remember it. I climb off him, tell him to stay put, and grab my phone from the counter. I snap a picture of him looking up at me, and smile at the shine in his blue eyes. This will be my lifeline while he's gone. When I put my phone down, he stands up and moves my hair off my shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm gonna miss you," I tell him truthfully, biting my lip. "Something's different now, and I'm afraid it's going to change again. Or go back to how it used to be."

I think back to all the winter breaks before this one. Luke brought home girls and they ate with us at the kitchen table while I tried to keep my food down. They'd giggle and laugh and hold his hand and he'd look up at me from across that table with lonely eyes. This year, there are no other girls. This year, that girl is finally me.

This year.

He shakes his head and rubs his thumb on my earlobe. "It won't,"

After nearly a solid month of sneaking around and into each other's beds, it's going to be hard to settle on our actual reality – I'm still at home and he's about an hour away. We've only been messing around for a few months, and because of school, we've barely seen each other since that night at the cabin. It's all new, hot sex and little else – no talk of how long term this is or how we'll sort it all out. No discussions on how the hell we'll ever explain this to Erin...or my parents.

It feels like an eternity will pass before we're both at the same point in our lives. Because like I said, long before he ever slept with me, he was with a lot of other women; I'd like to know what makes me so different from them.

That being said, telling him we didn't have to be exclusive was probably the stupidest thing I could've ever done. But we aren't really dating, just fooling around. I did it more out of panic, figuring if I blurted out that I love him it would scare him away. I figured the only way I could keep him around was to play it lightly.

"I'm in high school and you're off living your own life. We can't make this what it's not..." I'd lied, and I cried for an hour after he'd gone back to school the next day. Better I say it than him be the one to bring it up.

I freaked and told him he could sleep with whomever he wanted, but I wanted to know. I wanted him to be honest. He turned around and said the same goes for me without much hesitance at all, like we were on the same page. Now I regret it. I wouldn't dream of being with someone else.

He says my name like he needs me to breathe. He holds my hands over my head when he comes inside me and looks me right in the eyes, like this is all he needs.

I've been with other guys before Luke, but not in this way. Never without protection, and he swears it's the same for him. But I begged him. I can't stop. I can't think. I just trust him.

"I gotta tell you something," he says, pressing the pad of his thumb on my earlobe again. "What you said about other women? I don't want them," he swallows nervously. I can't place the look in his eyes. "I don't want to just come home and sleep with you, okay? I want to make this more."

"Me too," I tell him and nod against his chest when he pulls me to him.

I'm completely relieved, but don't dare ask if he's had anyone since the cabin.

He said he'd tell me, and he hasn't.

I don't know how we've kept it on the down low from my family, because my sister is just about the nosiest person I know. And even though she's his best friend, he swears he hasn't told her. I beg him to leave it alone for now.

"Good, now that that's settled, hop up here and I'll mix you up the meanest breakfast you've ever had. Then we'll put on our boots and dig our way out. Sound good?"

"Depends on what you're making," I laugh, doing as he asked and hopping up on the counter beside the stove. He pulls down mixing bowls from the cabinets and leans over to press a kiss on my lips.

"Pancakes..." he says with a smile, throwing a towel over his shoulder and stepping between my legs. "Trust me, baby. If you thought you knew what love was before, I promise you will now,"