The Longest Five Years (Completed)

Reagan

Present Day

My hands shake as I lift my guitar case out of Luke's trunk. My vision's been blurry the entire ride to the airport and any second now, the tears will actually fall.

"Did we get everything?" Luke asks, peeking around in the trunk once more. I nod, and when it slams shut, and I close my eyes. Nothing about this moment feels the way I thought it would. My throat aches with sadness. My heart pounds, knowing when I wake up tomorrow, the first thing I see won't be his eyes. I take a deep breath and the tears finally slide down my cheeks. I am barely here.

He looks at me. Really looks at me. His eyes are soft and knowing, and it only takes a moment for him to step closer to me and wrap me in his arms. He doesn't say a word, just holds me. His cheek rests on the top of my head, and I move in as close to him as I can. His arms are warm and strong and for a moment, I almost forget we're in a parking structure. What's it going to be like when I actually get inside? When I kiss him goodbye before I walk through security? When i'm waiting at the gate before I can board and it's just me and a month and a half of memories?

This is my choice. No one is forcing me on that plane today. I bought the ticket. I had already decided to leave before I even knew I had to. There are so many things I still want to do, and six weeks gave me just a taste of what life would be like. It would be less painful if I stayed, maybe even just a little bit longer, but this hurt is good. It's one I've never felt. It's my heart aching for our future. It's me being sure.

But just because it's the right thing to do, doesn't mean it's easy.

"You gonna be okay?" He asks carefully, lifting my chin so I look at him. I wipe my eyes and nod, reaching down to pick up my guitar case. He waits a moment, then grabs my suitcase and we walk slowly and quietly inside.

The terminal is packed and I wonder how many of these people feel the way I do right now. I check my luggage, keeping a small bag I'll take as a carryon. My flight is on time. Of course it is. But I've got an hour and a half before the plane leaves, and I'm not ready to go through security yet. I eye the entrance and look back at him. He takes a breath, like he's keeping himself from saying the wrong thing. He promised he wouldn't ask me to stay again, but I wouldn't hold it against him if he tried.

"We've got some time before I have to go through. Will you wait with me?" I swallow. I'm nervous.

"Baby, I might still be waiting right here when you step off that plane and come back home to me," he says and my breath is shaky again.

"You can't say things like that and expect me to be able to walk away from you," I tell him with a sad smile, shaking my head. I step closer to him and press my forehead to his chest. I can feel his heartbeat. It can't calm down; it matches mine. I inhale him and the way this feels.

This is hard...being here with him. I can't lose track of time, but each second passes a little faster than the last. Every time he smiles, I realize it's one of the last ones I'll see before I go. I could've had Erin bring me, like the we originally planned. It would've been easier right now, but I'd be damned if I gave up even one more minute I could've spent with him. It's like torture. There's no balance to love. It's all just so big.

"I hate that it took me so long to come home," I whisper against him. The lights are too bright. The moment too raw. I'm not sure I've completely processed what's really happening. "When I heard what happened to you, everything stopped. I had to get to you," I continue, breathing him in. "I don't know what I would've done if I'd lost you. If I lose you..."

"You won't," he says. His hands thread into my hair, just above my ears. He tilts my head and I look up. His voice is steady, certain. His eyes are clear, and he's smiling, like he's got all the confidence in the world that everything is going to be okay. He's trying to be strong for me, but I know him; inside, he's collapsing. "You won't." That southern drawl still gets me every time.