Ephemeral >> Viktuuri

F I F T E E N

A/n same at the photo^

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Yuuri Katsuki

After a month of resting and knowing Viktor for about 5 five months, it being a month since i realized i fell for him and never confessing to him because im sure he doesnt feel the same way. We have a competition in two months so i need to train more in order to be ready to compete; although theres still two things i still just cant comprehend.

I've fallen in love with the Viktor Nikiforov.
The Viktor Nikiforov is my Coach.

Hes been my idol since forever but i still cant help but feel like theres something in my life im missing or something in my brain im trying to comprehend. Something locked away thats trying to escape, whats going on?

"Yuuri, this is a good thing to do. Surprise the judges, the audience, your fans.", Viktor gives me a soft smile from on the ice as he starts teaching me about the song he has chosen for me and the coreographing he chose for it. Its called 'In regards to love: eros' and eros means sexual love, so thats very new for me because i'm a 26 year old virgin whos never had anything to do with anything sexual. I've never watched porn, never thought about sex, never touched myself, never thought about touching myself, etc. I'm not neccessarily repulse by it or anything but i've just always been a virgin, never kissed anyone, never been in a relationship, never been in love, and never had a crush. That was... Until i met Viktor and i've finally fallen in love, i never knew it could be this painful to love someone who doesnt love you; well, im sure he does- just- not in the same way i love him; hes not in love with me.

I snap out of my thoughts and stop staring at the floor when i hear Viktor say hes gonna play the song to 'Eros' now, and then i remember im holding the remote so i play the song and Viktor gets into his starting stance.

He turns his head towards me and gives me a smirk; wow.. Such eros, he could make me- a man- pregnant! He continues to do all of the routine, doing many jumps and spins and he lands them all! not once faltering in his steps nor even touching down on the ice with one of his hands or fingers, or even falling or missing a step! wow! He did does a double flip at the end and reaches his hand out to me, slightly breathless as i stand there in awe and surprised.  Wow.... I can never land a quad flip or a quad toe-loop...

"how was that, Yuuri? what do you think?", Viktor skates over to me with a smile, making my heart race; goddamnit.. "W-well uhh, i t-think the song plays a certain... S-story.", i fiddle with my fingers and look at him shyly. "Go on.", he says in a calm voice. "W-well u-uhm.. It tell the story of a play boy..like.. He goes around to many different places and tries to seduce and win the hearts of many women, But one day he goes to a new town to start fresh and there he meets the most beautiful maden of the land... So, he tries to win her heart and seduce her but she doesnt give up so easily so he continues to chase her and chase her until she finally falls for the man, is seduced by him, and gives him her heart. The man eventually gets tired because he no longer has to chase her and so he moves on to the next town...", im not sure where all this nonesense or all these words came from but wow that weird and yet oddly feels painful; why? maybe because im supposed to be the play boy since i am trying to 'seduce the audience' as Viktor says. Its just... Its not me.. "Wow, Yuuri, that was amazing! I think you should find out what your eros is first, come practice on the rink for a bit today, then practice it during ballet with Minako!, and then we can practice it more here!", Viktor cheers.

What eros is to me?! But im a virgin and i dont know about anything sexual! Also, he met Minako?! oh boy... "The thing is... Its just... I lack confidence...", i look down and fidget with my fingers after getting on the ice and taking off my safe guards, then looking down after gliding onto the ice. Viktor comes closer to where i can feel his breath on my face and he puts his thumb on my bottom lip, moving it from the right side to the left side with our hair connected and locked into each other like a braid. "Nobody knows what your true eros is, but i have faith that you will find confidence and know soon enough.", he gives me a grin with his face so close to mine and my heart rapidly beating in my chest and a big blush accross my face with his chest against mine; i hope he doesnt feel my heart beating really fast in my chest.. He lets go and skates backwards, giving us some space and im suddenly cold and lonely once again... "Have faith, Yuuri. I know you can do this.", he smiles at me; goddamnit i've fallen for him harder than i thought.