Mmhmm I'm Bored

Submission for @FableWrite's Prompt: Dimi

Uuuuuuum... I'm kinda just going off of my memory of Dimi so there's no telling how many inaccuracies there are. [Well that's a lie for some of it.]

I snapped off of my bed covered in a cold sweat. The metallic tang of blood filtered throughout my mouth as I closed my jaw, recovering from my silent scream. I hissed lightly from the dull pain. Tsk, I thought, I bit my tongue again... 

The nightmares had been pounding more and more at my head these past few weeks, more than anticipated to be sure. My mother, poor woman, had only thought to get enough medicine for one week. Even I didn't guess it would be this bad. The early morning sun filtered in through the gauze-like curtains of my dorm. I sighed heavily. I should've been getting up by now anyways. A soft creak resounded throughout the nearly empty room, causing a pang of loneliness to pierce my heart. It was all because of what I've done to get this far that's made me separated from the rest of the wizards...

[-]

I could taste the fear he exhaled on the tip of my tongue. It was a saccharine taste with little substance, yet somehow still the most addicting thing I've ever experienced. A mixture of a hum and a growl left my throat as the fire emanating from my fingertips pressed further and further into his (rather large) forehead. A treacherous giggle left my throat as he burned under my touch. Tears evaporated from his boiling skin as they streamed from his slowly melting eye sockets onto his now unrecognisable face.

The feeling of being in control was so invigorating. I grew up the shy kid, the one under the thumb of my friends and blindly following along with their schemes because I simply couldn't speak up. Now I was the one to oppress them into silence. Holy shit it feels so nice... I ran my tongue along my lower lip as his face finally dripped its last drop onto the cool concrete of the building floor. 

A large hand clamped down on my shoulder. Jirel. He had a proud smirk plastered on his thin face as he eyed the rat that used to be one of us. One of the Nameless Syndicate. Well, that's what the people on the street called us. We simply had no name, only a job. We were a group of hitmen, me their newest recruit. They had picked me up off of the streets after getting beaten by a drunken thief and promised me a new life where I wouldn't live under anyone else's thumb. So I took their outstretched hand and gave up all that I cared about in order to be who I should be. Need to be. No one likes the shy, nerdy guy who can't speak out. No, the girls always go for the bad boys that don't give a shit about anyone else. That's probably what Robin did... I snorted in contempt. She never even saw me in that way, all she could care about is herself and how she'll do and how I need to do more for her and blah blah fucking blah. What a bore.

"Rius, we have a giant request coming in from someone major. I want you to take care of it, consider it your initiation." Jirel told me in a monotonous voice. I couldn't contain my malevolent smile as I heard that. I had been eagerly awaiting my initiation these past few months and now it was finally here... Another giggle escaped from my slightly parted lips. "Who is it?" I asked with thinly veiled malice.

Jirel gave a small smile in my direction yet his eyes flashed with an unknown emotion, "Leader of a rival syndicate- the Brass Syndicate. Rather trifling to deal with as they keep plastering up anti-regime posters all around the marketplace. We've been asked to off him and preferably burn down a ll their hangouts. His family won't be targeted as of yet, but keep in mind that it may be a possibility. If all goes to plan you'll be rewarded handsomely. Another thing to keep in mind is that this client called for you specifically so don't mess this up in any way.

[-]

The intoxicating screams echoed around from the burning building. As usual, fire was the best route to go if you don't want to leave behind any evidence. I kicked through the door to the leader's office only to see him already burning on the floor. A dark cloak enshrouded his entire body as he writhed upon the floor in agony. The sight made my mouth water insatiably. I stepped closer, and closer, and closer with the audible click of my boots sharpening the aura in the room.

Choked gasps escaped from his occluded lungs and throat. "Aww~, do you need some help breathing there?" I crooned. I was soon standing over his body, his face still cloaked in the shadow of his hood. I stamped my foot down right on his neck, the heel cutting cleanly through his throat. Blood exploded from the wound as I retracted the heel slowly from the clean wound. "There, now the smoke can fly out from the hole so you'll breathe better. You should be thanking me old man, I saved your life." The insanity in my voice grew exponentially as I whispered those words into his ears. I tilted my head slightly only to peer into dead eyes as blue as the dusk and as dark as a raven's feather. The eyes that would haunt me forever.

It was in that split moment that all my bravado and arrogance faded. That all of the shit talk I had used to justify the murders burned in the flames I had set. But Jirel was right, I was rewarded handsomely. Well, materialistically it was a dream. Mentally, however, I would never be the same again. 

Turns out the client was the Empress. She was a perfect ruler on the surface, even I never would've guessed that she was the evil bitch that she really is. She intentionally called out to me for the job, knowing that I would never breathe a word about this to anyone no matter how much they tortured me for the answer. I shut myself away in my studies  and drowned my memories in books. The Empress made me her personal scribe in order to keep me close to her and her spies. They watch my every move and report everything I do right back to that black widow in disguise.

The complete and utter horror of seeing his dead eyes, eyes that I drained the life from, eyes so similar to mine, had made me even quieter than before. The inner psychopath still lingered inside, yet this time it was trapped in a cage with no bars. Instead it was buried within miles upon miles of steel, steel so impregnable that no amount of fire would ever be able to burn through it. Yet still I lived in fear day by day of Him escaping and taking over my conscience once more. 

But even more than that I feared my family. How they would react when they learned of what I did. How I've murdered and maimed so many in the little time I was in the Syndicate. Safe to say that I never saw them again.

Looking back on it now, I understand what emotion was in Jirel's eyes. Raw fear.

[-]

Mother never knew what my nightmares were about. She never asked. For that I was both grateful and terrified. His eyes still lingered in my mind even after over a year has passed. I suppose I was never cut out for that life even when the other side took over. 

The dark blue irises so similar to my own were emblazoned in my memory permanently. Revenge from beyond the grave, I suppose. I would never admit to the fact that it was me who caused my mother so much pain, so much longing, so much desolation. Every day I forget what I've done until the nightmares plague me again. It's my self-inflicted curse. 

They called Robin a menace, a criminal, a threat. What would they say to me who's killed so close to home? A demon? No, they'll never call me that because no one will ever, ever, know what I've done. Especially not Robin or my family... Even if I have to become a human shell I'll never let anyone see the other side of me or the corpse of Roman Pendragon.

A'ight it's been done. Up next is... well... um... you'll see when I publish it.