Shattered Hearts

Chapter 40

"John, can you move the star to the left a bit, it looks wonky," Darlene said as she took a step back from the Christmas tree.

John held in a groan, the star had been adjusted three times already and Darlene still wasn't satisfied. "Why don't we take it down, it's too heavy not to lean to one side or the other."

"But we can't have a tree without a star, here let me try."

He stood back and she climbed onto the footstool and attempted to reposition the star. "How does that look?"

"Spot on," he said lying. "But you know with Junior crashing about, the tree's gonna be battered in no time."

Her mouth turned down. "More than likely, but after last Christmas, I want to at least try to make everything perfect."

"Nothing's ever perfect," he said keeping his tone light. He knew she was alluding to the miserable time they'd had last year as she'd struggled to put his affair behind them. "Now do you want a cup of coffee making?"

"You are happy with me, aren't you?" she asked ignoring his question.

"Sure, I am. Now about that coffee?"

"Stop deflecting." She wrapped her arms around herself and looked down. "Sometimes I feel like you're only with me because it's the right thing to do. I can't help wondering if you'd be with Ros if it wasn't for the kids."

"No, of course not," he said holding in a groan. "I love you, and we've been through too much together to throw it all away."

Her eyes narrowed and her mouth formed a thin line. "But you've risked throwing our marriage away more than once. Do you have any idea how taken for granted that makes me feel? Why do you think I'll keep on forgiving you?"

"I honestly don't know," he admitted. "I don't mean to take you for granted but I'm selfish and stupid." He shrugged helplessly. "If you wanna leave I'll understand."

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Why does it always come down to one of us leaving? How about you don't play around in the first place?"

"You're right, I don't know why I do it." She gave him a withering look. "I don't. I guess I wish we'd started our family after we'd been together a bit longer but I don't regret it. And the other girls meant nothing, they were never a threat to you."

"Rosalind was, you had feelings for her," she said flatly.

He opened his mouth to protest but there was no point, she'd see straight through him. "I might have had feelings for her but only because we were friends and we went way back, it was no more than that."

"I think it was," she said her voice shaking. "If you'd continued with your affair I think you would have left me for her."

"No, no way. I wouldn't have," he said reaching out to her and she stepped back.

"We'll never know that though, will we?" She smiled sadly. "I'll go make the coffee, you can try and straighten that star again."

"Yeah, sure," he said watching her retreating form. He was surprised she'd dropped the subject so easily, normally she could go on for hours raking over the past. He hoped it was a good sign but he wasn't so sure, Darlene had sounded positively defeated.

                                                 ~~~

"I'll get that," Rosalind shouted to Dale as the phone began ringing. "If it's for you I'll tell them you're working." She'd promised not to nag him about bringing his work home and he'd promised to keep it to a strict minimum, so far their agreement was holding up.