Falling From Grace: Student-Teacher Forbidden Romance

Chapter 35

[RECAP: Mother Superior has instructed Leonie to thank Father Gabriel for rescuing her in the storm]

Leonie's friends grilled her over lunch. They wanted to know everything that had happened.

"I was terrified for you when the storm broke out," Figgy said. "We should have listened to Harry."

Mai was more interested in finding out about Father Gabriel. "What was he like when he found you? Was he mad?"

Leonie felt her face grow red. "Not really. He was more concerned, and very kind."

"Did he make you pray?" Figgy asked.

"No. We just sat and waited it out," Leonie said.

Figgy was disappointed. "I had a romantic image of him clasping his hands and praying for the storm to be over and your lives to be spared."

Mai had noticed Leonie's reaction. She regarded her with narrow eyes. "So you just sat there, freezing cold and wet? He didn't try and warm you up?"

"Mai!" Figgy objected to the tone in which Mai said this, while Leonie nearly choked on the mouthful of water she had just drunk.

"I only meant offer Leonie a blanket or whatever. But I can see from her face that he did something."

Leonie chewed her lip. She was going to have to reveal a bit. "He did put his arm around me. But only because I was shivering so much."

"One arm or both arms?" Mai asked.

"Does it matter?" Figgy said

Mai grinned. "It matters a lot. One arm is no big deal. Two is an embrace."

Leonie knew her face was on fire. She was supposed to be a competent actress. Why couldn't she better keep her composure? "It was two arms. But only because it was so cold."

She had a feeling that Mai was not entirely satisfied by this answer, but Mai said no more.

After lunch Leonie made her way to the vestry to make her apology to Father Gabriel. She was dying to see him but she didn't think she had ever been so nervous in her life.

She entered. He was standing the other side of the room, in his priestly black. For a while they just stood there, gazing at one another. The vestry seemed to fade away and all she could remember was his lips on hers.

Leonie broke the silence. "I've come to thank you for last night. And to apologise for putting your safety in jeopardy." She used the same phrasing that Mother Benedict had.

"You don't have to thank me. I'm just glad you were okay," Gabriel said.

"I did have to thank you. Mother Benedict said I should. But I wanted to anyway," she said.

Gabriel came over to her and stood in front of her. "I know I owe you an apology for what happened there. But there's no point saying what we both know."

"Do you regret it?" Leonie asked.

"I should. But right now, I don't," Gabriel said. He looked into her eyes. "You know that if circumstances were different, Leonie, I would want to be with you. Even as your teacher, I would have taken that risk. But this - " he touched his collar " - forbids it."

Leonie felt she could hardly bear it. She wanted him so much. "Why did you become a priest?" she asked.

"I believed I had a vocation."

"Only believed? You weren't sure?"

Gabriel sighed. He sat on the edge of a desk. "When you start your training it's a long process. There's a lot of doubt, but it's encouraged. Of course I doubted. But I still chose it. That must mean something, mustn't it?"

He was looking at her now as though he wanted her sanction on his decision. But Leonie couldn't give it. She couldn't see how any God could give human beings the emotions and physical desire they had, and then require them to suppress it. Hardly any other religions or branches of Christianity required their priests to be celibate. If Gabriel had only been born into a different family: Protestant, or even Jewish or Muslim, he could have pursued holy orders and also enjoyed a family life.

The Catholic church was too severe an authority.

"I just wish you hadn't chosen it," she said.

It took the utmost resolve for Gabriel not to express the same wish. "It's the half-term holiday at the end of next week. It will give us both a break and help get things back in perspective. Even if I can't ever pursue a relationship with you, we can still be friends."

Leonie was happy to grasp any crumbs he offered. "You mean that?"

"Of course." He paused for a moment, and lowered his voice. "You know that I'll really miss you, when school is out. Even for a week. I look forward to seeing you in class and in rehearsals. I miss you when you're not there." He knew he shouldn't be saying these things to her but he couldn't help it.

"Will you write to me?" Leonie asked.

"If you give me your address."

He fetched a piece of paper and a pen. Leonie wrote her grandmother's address down. Gabriel folded the piece of paper carefully and put it in his pocket. "We'll get through this," he told her.

Leonie didn't see how. If it had just been a crush or a physical attraction, it would have been easier to get over. "I'll try," she said.

Her assent cut Gabriel to the core. Until she said the words, he hadn't realised how much he didn't want her to give up her feelings for him. He had spent so long brooding over the notion that she liked some other guy, that now he knew it was him, he wanted to hang on to it. Even though he knew how wrong and how hopeless it was.

"I'll see you in class tomorrow, then?" he asked.

She managed a weak smile. "I wouldn't miss it."

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