One Last Wish {Ethan Dolan}

three

the next morning was eventful. i had an idea of what my life was going to be like for a while. check ins at the hospital every once in a while along with chemotherapy. i knew nothing about the type of cancer that i had inside me.

angela would come in my room for a while every few days and we would talk about everything. she even told me before she went to nursing school to become a nurse, she went backpacking around europe! that's always been something on my bucket list.

she told me stories of her family and her siblings that she had back home in new jersey. that too made me think of ethan dolan. him and his family were originally from new jersey.

"still thinking about that boy?" angela's words brought me back to reality.

"yeah actually i have been a lot recently. what if i do make that my last wish and he doesn't come? what if i'm left here to die without him knowing who i am?" i started to get worried about what would go wrong. panic washed over me and i realized i was having an anxiety attack.

"honey just breathe okay? i'll go get your mom and some water." she left the room in a hurry. my breathing became heavy and my lungs felt like they were going to give out any second. all of my anxiety attacks were over something stupid and they always ended up being really terrible.

"avi? baby breathe okay? deep breaths in. hold it and let it out." the sound of my mothers voice was always calming in these situations.

"i'm okay. i'm okay." i was really convincing myself rather than my mom and angela.

"the doctor wants to see you today aviana. just to see how you're feeling and if there's been any more severe stomach pains and to see if the cancer has spread to any other part of your body." great. 

"good morning aviana. my name is dr. gonzalez and i'll be your doctor through out this whole process. how are you feeling this morning?" i just shrugged my shoulders and avoided eye contact with the hispanic doctor.

"okay that's normal. it's okay to be scared aviana."

"i'm scared that i won't get to live the rest of my life. i'm only sixteen for crying out loud! my life could end at any moment and i'm stuck in this hospital trying to cure the cancer i have." i surprised everyone in the room with my sudden outburst including myself.

"i'm sorry. that was uncalled for."

"baby you'll be okay. you will get to live your life and your life will not end at any moment because this is the best cancer care facility in the state. the doctors are very good at their job."

"your mother is right aviana. i went to medical school for eight years. i can show you my credentials and my certificates for my PhDs if you like." i cracked a smile.

"there she is." my mother commented.

"i'm gonna do everything i can to help you and make sure you get your life back aviana."

"thank you." he nodded and said that we were going to take some blood and do an ultrasound to check on the tumor.

the needle was a small one but going in my arm in pinched a little. four viles of my blood were taken.

i was zoned out the entire time. my entire life was turned upside down. i would have to drop out of school and commit to taking care of this full time.

"okay it'll take a few days to get the results of the blood test back but we'll let you know." the nurse that did my blood work had finished and sent me back to my room to wait for the ultrasound.

after about twenty to thirty minutes or so dr. gonzalez came back to get me for the ultrasound.

"have you ever had an ultrasound before aviana?"

"once for fun when i went with my mom for hers."

"okay well then i don't need to explain it to you then." i nodded and followed him into the dark room.

"hi i'm sara and i'll be performing your ultrasound today. any allergies i need to know about before we get started?" boy she was chirpy and happy.

"uhh no. no allergies."

"okay then have a seat and lay back here." she pointed to a chair that would recline back. i took a seat and waited patiently as she prepped.

"i'm gonna have you pull up your shirt so i can squirt the gel." i did as she asked and pulled up my shirt. the gel was cool on my stomach. it was also very sticky.

"so normally we do ultrasounds for people who are pregnant but today we are checking in on your tumor. just to see if it's grown or spread anywhere else."

"okay. what happens if it has grown or spread anywhere else?" panic started to take over me once again. this is just what i needed. two panic attacks in one day. perfect.

"then the doctor will start treatment and you'll stay in the hospital for a little while for the treatment to take place."

"sorry i'm new to this whole cancer thing."

"oh honey don't be sorry. it's good to ask questions." she looked away from me and up at the screen that showed the inside of my stomach. there was a tumor the size of a softball in the pit of my stomach. my breath hitched in my throat and it became shallow.

"there it is."

"holy shit." my fate was sealed. cancer was my life now. that was something i got used to.