A Typical day in Lameton School

Chapter Five

CHAPTER FIVE

"We trusted you, Schuh Kopf!" Baenab cried as she threw a mini-bomb at him. Schuh barely managed to dodge it and the bomb ricocheted off the prison wall and hit Laybi, the new prisoner, on the head. The bomb exploded into flames and Laybi calmly watched as it started to burn through her hair.

"Jesus," Harriet muttered, rolling her eyes as she stamped out the flames, "must I do everything for you, Lay?"

Laybi looked sharply at her friend, growing slightly purple in the face. "Did you just...did you just remove the bi from my name? Are you...are you..." She leaned in menacingly, and Baenab could see that two sharp fangs protruded from her mouth. "Are you being bi-phobic now?"

Harriet opened her mouth to defend herself but Laybi cut across her, still on a rampage.

"And you just used 'Jesus' in a non-religious context. Do you realize how blasphemous and rude you're being, how harmful it is to devout Christians who spend their whole lives dedicated to Christ, their saviour, whose death atoned for the sins of man and reconciled us to God, Blessed Father of the Heavens and the Earth—"

"Anyway, we need to find a way to get out of here," Baenab interrupted. Laybi looked affronted by this rude interruption but knew another bomb would likely hit her head if she confronted Baneab about this.

"Yes," Schuh Kopf agreed. "I suggest we begin by—"

"I don't recall asking for your advice on the matter," Baenab snapped angrily. "It's you who got us into this mess in the first place. I suggest you keep your mouth nicely shut unless you'd like a taste of one of my mini-bombs." She patted her chest, wherein she had more bombs stashed (all Budding Bombers were required to carry spare mini-bombs in the case of extreme emergencies—Kopf always found it uncomfortable to have the extra padding of the mini-bombs strapped to his chest, because it made him feel like he had boobs, so he never carried them around. Baenab on the other hand, always used them to her advantage. Apparently, she had conveniently forgotten about these bombs throughout this entire zombie ordeal and had only just now remembered she had the bombs for the sake of the continuation of the plot).

"I was just going to say," Schuh Kopf muttered quietly, "that you could just use your bombs to blast open this door and get us all out."

"Oh." Baenab frowned. "Yeah, good idea I guess."

She took two bombs out of her bra (Kopf covered his eyes and grew as red as the sin he was witnessing) and aimed them at the door.

"God is the greatest!" she cried, launching them. Both bombs hit the prison door and blasted it open without much effort.

"Out, out, out everyone!" Haligram cried and all the prisoners gushed out of the door as the flames began to engulf the entire room. The tall and looming figure of Jackunzul appeared, having heard the explosion.

"What's going ooooooon," he drawled in a very lengthy, sing-song voice. Baenab knocked him out before he could call for help.

"Onwards, men!" Portugirl cried, elated by this exciting new turn of events. "Gosh, this play can go from boring to exciting really quick, I've gotta say!"

The prisoners marched forward together and burst open the classroom door that had kept them, and so many others, contained within the evil dictator's grasp. Other people who had been trapped also began to rush out. Out of nowhere, Harward appeared, having heard the commotion outside of his Privy Chamber.

"What—what's going—" His eyes grew wide at the sight of dozens of students – his loyal subjects – gushing out of the classroom. His eyes then furiously swept towards the direction of his bodyguards' – the very men who were supposed to be keeping everything in check. He noticed Jackunzul's motionless body and, to his left, Dant-Oy also lay completely still. Yulicious—the damn traitor!—was nowhere in sight either. Harward backed away before anyone could notice him and disappeared into the darkness.