A Typical day in Lameton School

The Final Battle

THE FINAL BATTLE

THE FINAL BATTLE

RECAP: Just as Harward the Holy and Portugirl are about to join together in holy matrimony, Jackunzul reveals himself as a traitor and kills Harward. Before he can sexually assault Kaitlyn, Schuh Kopf and Zafa arrive and Schuh Kopf shoots Jackunzul's arm. They both lock lips with their lovers (Zafa is still homosexual, however) but wait!!11 Jackunzul manages to shoot Schuh Kopf in the chest. Whatever will happen next??!/1

"Schuh Kopf!" Kaitlyn fell to her knees, crying out in horror, and threw herself on Schuh Kopf's heavily wounded body that was oozing out a seemingly endless river of blood. Her shaking hands grabbed Schuh Kopf's shoulders while her own body wracked with sobs. "Wake up! You can't be dead! Please, please—"

"I'm afraaaaaaaaaaaaaaid," Jackunzul whispered seductively into her hair, his sun-kissed spit flying into her face, "he is dead, baby giiiiiiiirl."

"Nooooooooo!1," Kaitlyn screamed, tears flowing a thousand kilometres a second. "No! No, he can't be! No—"

"—means no," Laybi finished, her nose sticking into the air self-importantly. "It's important to consider consent, especially in romantic relationships where there is a heavy reliance on physical intimacy as a means to develop the agape between lovers. One must never forget the importance of no before touching one's partner in a manner that is sexual and/or in any other physical way. Which is why I have decided to come out and say that I will no longer sexual harass Yuli, unless of course he is a lifeless corpse like Schuh Kopf, in which case I shall turn to necrophilia—"

"I think you misunderstood the meaning of agape," Harriet interrupted gently. "You see, agape means 'sacrificial love'. For example, you are displaying an act of agape by sacrificing your lustful desires for Yuli so he may lead a life that is not traumatized. But you used it entirely incorrectly, and I'm not very sorry to tell you that." She finished talking with a small smile.

Laybi, for once in her life of hysterical rants, simply nodded in acceptance of her defeat.

Baenab pointed her gun at Jackunzul.

"Whoaaaaaaa." His stripper-pole-like body backed away. "What do you thiiiink you're doinnng."

"Budding Bombers Oath, you see," Baenab snarled. The grip she had on her gun tightened. "If a fellow Bomber is injured by somebody intentionally, it is the duty of the Bomber's comrade to finish what was started."

"It's true," Laybi whispered, head bowed down. Harriet stared at her in confusion.

"The fuck would you know about Budding Bombers?" she said. Laybi gasped dramatically and lunged forward, grabbing the gun from Baenab's hand before pointing it directly at Jackunzul's Baby-Making Parts. She pulled the trigger!1

"I AM A BUDDING BOMBER!" She cried out. This was the biggest plot twist of the story.

Kaitlyn gasped.

Baenab gasped.

Harriet choked.

Cho-Han gasped.

Abby Ghale gasped.

Preetykiran yawned.

The doors burst open once more and in walked in Aashnut and D-Tee (who was carrying her newborn baby wrapped up in a lab coat) and Mr Legitimate and everybody else because I can't remember who the hell else is in this godforsaken story.