Kenny Is Not Okay

Hospital visit #3

Everything was blurry. Kenny wasn't sure where he was. Once he got used to the brightness and opened his eyes properly, he saw his stitched wrists. That's when he realised: he failed, again.

Soon they let his mom in. Kenny watched her walk through the door teary-eyed. She hugged Kenny right away, making him feel even worse for her.

"I'm so glad you're alive." she said.

Kenny just smiled and purposely left 'me too' out. He definetly wasn't glad to be alive to see the people he cared about suffer.

"Do you want your friends to know? They could come and visit." his mom tried to cheer him up after she calmed down.

"Uhh.. yeah, I guess. Why not." Kenny muttered. A part of him wanted to see them, but the other part was afraid of facing them. They would get to know that he relapsed, and he was scared of their reactions.

After some time Kenny was taken to his therapist. Guess they wanted to know the reason why.. and maybe Kenny could be honest. The doctors knew about his new cuts already, they must have noticed them while stitching the vertical ones.

"So.. is there a particular reason for this?"

Straight to the point. Maybe they had already noticed how much Kenny tried to avoid small talk.

"I cut again. I mean.. before this." Kenny said.

"And.. why did you do it?"

"I was doing too good."

"But that's a good thing, right?"

"I guess. But I don't deserve to be happy, so I got anxious." Kenny explained.

"You do deserve to be happy. You just need to get used to it."

"Nah.. I.. didn't want my friends to know I cut again. So I decided to kill myself."

Be proud of me, I told the truth for once, Kenny thought. After a few more questions about how he was feeling and such he was good to go.

Kenny noticed that he got to keep his phone. He unlocked it and saw a bunch of messages from Craig.

Craig: Where are you?

Craig: Sleeping? Ditching?

Craig: Principal asking us to see her?

Craig: kennt n o not  ahain

Craig: ohmu gpd krnny please be okah

Craig: She told us. Going home now, will be visiting asap

Kenny: yea I'm okay

Guess he could've said a little more. But he decided to save everything for when they actually would meet soon.

Seconds after he received a reply. I'm so worried Kenny

Kenny: no don't be worried

Craig: What else should I do? My best friend slit his wrists but I shouldn't be worried?

Craig: See you soon

Kenny didn't text back anymore. He just laid on the bed. Crying on his pillow. Trying to keep his hands away from the stitches, even though he was tempted to just rip them all off.

Fifteen minutes later there was a knock on the door. Kenny jumped and quickly wiped the tears away, trying to make it look like he hadn't cried. He turned his head and saw the nurse letting herself in.

"You have a visitor."

That's when Craig walked in. Kenny didn't make any eye contact until the nurse was out and the door was locked. Kenny got up and hugged Craig tightly.

"I.. was so scared." Craig whispered.

"I'm so s-sorry." was all Kenny managed to get out.

After they both calmed down they could finally get an actual conversation going.

"Where are the others?" Kenny asked.

"The doctors said they could only allow one visitor.. they were worried about your mental state or something." Craig explained.

"Oh.. well, tell them I'm alright." Kenny said.

"Kenny.." Craig started, "why?"

"I didn't want you to know I relapsed." Kenny looked away.

"I don't want you to recover for me. I don't want you to be afraid of me if things don't go as planned. I didn't get mad at you when you took the pills, remember?" Craig wrapped his arms around him, "to be honest, I would have rather heard that you cut again than that you attempted suicide."

"I.. messed up. Can't even kill myself properly. I could have done it if I didn't pass out." Kenny was sobbing at this point.

"Dammit, Kenny, no! I'm glad you failed! I'd rather have you here with an unsuccesful attempt than be at your funeral because you succeeded."

Somehow Craig always knew what to do to make Kenny slightly happier.