Where I Belong √

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

    My heart was completely broken, shattered into pieces. I wish he had warned me before that he was going to break me. Part of me was still refusing to accept everything. I wish everything was just a bad dream.

   After that horrible day, I did not step out of my dorm for more than a week. I was sulking into my own misery and drowning into my own pool of tears. In that phase, I absentmindedly cut my arm and it did not hurt, instead, I felt at ease, so I kept on doing it.

In short, to cope up with my emotional pain I resorted to physical pain. 

Something inside me got to change.

I could not stay forever in my little dorm. I started practicing day and night. Tennis helped me, it was my refuge. Even running, sprinting laps overlaps until I get exhausted and bursting into tears. I could barely eat. I isolated myself from others.

 Physically I was getting weak. I stopped going out because I just had little money left with me. I was not in a state to afford a medical bill or any other bill. Alex was my only source of financial help.

     Aurora visited me once during that phase to sort out everything and to help me as well but I refused and also asked her not to visit again, rather rudely. I was getting weak day by day. Physically as well as mentally.

Once I visited the nearby small clinic. The doctor prescribed me some medicines. I paid the nominal charges but never purchased the meds because it was out of my capacity. I couldn't afford it so I kept as it is for a few days.

   And to add to the misery I received a final eviction notice after three months because my dorm rent was due. I was still in that phase and my physical health got even worse. I started working in a bar as a waitress. My shift was of five hours after my practice hours and my salary was eight thousand bucks which were not enough to pay all the rent, due bills, food, etc. But the tip I used to get was good.

  Soon it was time for the national level tournament and I was fully prepared or I thought so. The problem was that the players had to get their health checked. And I was diagnosed with depression, blood pressure and my wounds wouldn't heal quickly because of my high sugar level.

I could not enter as the country could not afford to take the risk no matter how good I was. There were already a few players to take my place.

But one day someone approaches me. He did help me but I learned that there is no such nothing like 'free'.

  
    #flashback

"So you are not playing," he asked.
I rolled my eyes and kept walking towards the infirmary.

Yes, my knees are bleeding again. And would take forever to heal. Fucking great!

He followed me.

"why,"  he asked again.

"I  was not selected" I snapped.

"Whoa, easy there tigress." he chuckled.
"But you play excellent. You are the best they have. I hope you know that"

"I know. But due to some reasons, I'm not selected"

"If you are good enough you can also play by..." he drawled and I raise my brow.
"You know money is key to everything" he added.

"Why should I pay when I deserve it. Not now but someday"  I said but I don't want to miss this chance. If not now then I don't know how many years will it take.
"I don't have money" I added an afterthought and now they have my reports as well.