The Truths That We Hide

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

He regretted saying that. Sure, for once Chris was aware that he had feelings for her, real feelings that gave butterflies in his stomach whether or not he was near her.

It didn't matter, she managed to affect him if she was only on his mind where he could see her clearly like she was next to him.

He wasn't sure when he realized all that but now that he did, it was all he could think about and it was very tempting to say it out loud. But he knew that it was too early and it wasn't fair for her.

It was clear that Bree still loved Xavier. And who knew when his feelings wouldn't disappear? Maybe he should start to avoid her.

But he didn't want that. He hated the thought of not spending time with Bree and Quentin after these two weeks of staying in New York and meeting people, including them.

Now he made the mistake and blurted out everything that he wanted to avoid and he already knew how Bree would react.

He wasn't wrong. That shouldn't be too shocking since he was hardly ever wrong about anything. His words made his feelings even real and suddenly he started to realize what it meant, what Bree meant for him and how much power she had over him now.

The silence wasn't the same comfortable he was used to. Now it was awkward silence where neither of them was brave enough to talk or simply didn't know what to say. He could also see the change in Bree and how confused she was. He watched her silently, waiting for her to say anything. The silence was slowly killing him.

The more time passed by, the more nervous he became and the more awkward the whole situation turned into. He was still blaming his cursing for making his speech sound so stupid when she finally started to talk.

Don't get your hopes up so you won't be disappointed. Don't wait for anything. She doesn't like you. Be happy if she ever wants to see you again. You're one fucking idiot and ruined everything.

"Chris, I...I still love Xavier," she said with an unrecognizable look on her face but Chris knew that she was nothing but comfortable. He knew that. Of course, he knew that she still loved him and nothing he had seen during these weeks said differently.

That was why her words shouldn't have hurt but they did. He was hurt and jealous. Jealous of a man who was now dead. He almost wished to be six feet under the ground just to make this easier.

He wanted to run away and cry for being such a fool and for ruining everything by not keeping the words in his mouth. Still, he did none of that. Instead, he looked at her and thought that under all that was a fragile and still grieving heart that made her cry during nights.

He should have said something, anything to help him run away from the situation and pretend that it was just a dream. But everything had already changed. No matter what he did, they wouldn't ever be the same again. He didn't know if he would regret them later but now it seemed to be the right thing to say.

"I know that. And you must know that I would never, ever take something like that from you. But you also should know that I'm not that kind of man who lets the woman he had feelings for to be miserable."

He wanted her to know that whether or not something would happen between them in the future. Still, his most important motive was her to be happy. It was crazy how much he had changed not only during five years but also the last two weeks. It felt like he was only now a real man who wanted to have a family for the first time in his life.

He took a deep breath and continued his speech that he hadn't planned at all so he was only saying everything that came to his mind. "I want you to give me a chance. No, I don't mean like that. I see from your face that you misunderstand this all wrong. I just want you to give me a chance to make you happy and laugh like... Xavier did."