Love and Remember

•Before Everything•

The agony hurts so much, just staring at him as he fiddles with his phone while we're at class. I know I should be facing at the front and listen to our teacher but I can't help lean back and wonder what he's doing. Of course, I glance back to the blackboard here and there, but most of my attention is towards him so much that it makes me sick. The smell of earthly scents fill the room that comes from the grass outside. The sun was just warming up, and I can't feel the hear yet. How can such a perfect day such as this can be ruined by him?

Why is it so hard to move on? How did it come to this? What happened? So many questions flood my mind. The silence comes and goes every minute, starting from the words of the professor to the snickers of the students around me. I sigh. I lean on my table and set my earphones to my ears as I try to find these answers, ignoring the lecture going on. I may or may not be turning into a bad student, but I don't really care at the moment. The teacher might be saying something important, but I can't really hear from all the music that's flooding through my ears.

When did it start? I ask myself. My head aches as I attempt to retrieve the memory, but it is so faded that I can't even remember. What I do remember is how we were before. We were just classmates, students in the same class. Me, having the reputation of having bountiful kindness and childish manners must have made me easily approachable. Which is funny, because I remember back in the first days of school I classified myself as a hot-tempered and mean person who didn't give a fuck towards anyone. I never knew I was turning to what I am now: a generous and kind being that cares for others so much it kills them.

I'm sure as hell you're confused right now, subtle imaginary figure in my thoughts. I don't even know if talking to something that doesn't exist matters. Anyways... I guess it goes a little something like this.

"And for our class president, Joanna Marie Tomlinson!"

I stood up, shocked at the results of the votes. I won? Did they really vote for me with that big a responsibility? I was happy yet sad at the same time, because it just meant more stress in life. But it also meant power and authority.

"Thank you for voting for me. I, Joanna Marie Rene Tomlinson, will do my best to be a good leader to you all," I say in my serious voice. The strangers in front of me start clapping, the people who were my seatmates were cheering for me excitedly. It assured me, and my confidence grew.

The teacher who has facilitating the election that was taking place then spoke once again. "Ok, since you're the new president, you will now be in charge of leading the election."

I nodded in agreement. "Well then, let's proceed to the next class officer..."

As I was elected class president, I was of course the one who needed to know the details and reminder to my classmates on certain things like announcements and projects. I was also one of those people who were looked upon as that straight A student because I was so attentive in class, I always rose my hand, and etc. Then of course, I, along with few of my other classmates, were always asked with questions and reminders from our other classmates. And he is no exception.

At the start of the semester, we barely talked and rarely did I have any encounter with him. Maybe it was because my personality was a bit, mad? I came off rude, bossy, and quite hard to handle. At least, that's what I thought. But time after time, I started to become more open and I never knew my classmates would start breaking my hard shell. Sooner or later, I have changed from a distant person to a sociable one.

And he changed for me too.