Attenuated || Book 1 || ✔

·{ Hurt }·

Jonathan's POV

It's been a week since anyone has heard anything from Evan, Tyler, Lui, and Brock.

We were all worried, but never brought it up.

Our lunches in the cafeteria were silent, no one even reacted when someone would pass by calling me a faggot.

I didn't care anymore, they could call me whatever they wanted.

They only thing I care about is if the guys are ok - if Evan is ok.

I had gone to his house a couple days ago, his parents answered. I asked them where he was.

"Sorry to bother you Mr and Mrs. Fong, but I was wondering if you know where Evan was." I asked as politely as I could, my hands grippjng onto the ends of my sleeves, anxious for the answer.

His mother hummed as she looked me up and down, "well, he transferred schools. He's living with his grandparents for the time being." Her voice wasn't very polite as her brown eyes glared at me with judgement. After she had answered my question, she slammed the door in my face.

My heart had broken. I have blamed myself for Evan leaving. I made it awkward by kissing him back. Maybe it wad a bad kiss and he is embarrassed he participated in it, or maybe he-

He never liked you Jon.

You are too fat and imperfect for him.

I abruptly stood from the cafeteria table, rushing out as my mouth filled with saliva. I had made it to the bathroom in time, emptying my stomach as that voice I knew so well returned. Taunting me. Pointing out all my imperfections.

I remember the voice from my eating problem days. It was the one that drove me to the hospital. It was the one that made me realize the truth.

Eventually my stomach was as empty as it could be and I flushed the toilet, leaving the stall and washing my hands and mouth.

Evan entered my thoughts again and I could feel tears threathen to fall.

I rubbed my face with my hands, trying to get him out of my thoughts. It was impossible. I couldn't take it.

It is all your fault he left! You are too disgusting! Have you seen yourself? You are the most disgusting creature. No one can ever love you. You ruined your friendship! Heh...you never deserved friends anyways.

I hung my head. That feeling of depression stirring in my empty stomach. My hands gripped the side of the sink counter. I looked up at myself in the mirror.

My eyes were puffy and red, tears streaming down my cheeks as I looked at the disgusting body I have.

Look at that fat on your stomach. Where are your ribs? Covered in fat that's where! This is why he left Jon...you are a humiliation.

That voice laughed, taunting me more and more.

I heard a door open, my eyes looking behind me through the mirror. There stood that jock. I forget his name -don't think I ever learned it actually.

He was throwing insults at me, all of which I agreed with as I stared myself down in the mirror. Eventually his voice was tuned out. I saw his lips moving through the mirror as his face contorted to one of anger and irritation. His fist raised and to me it went in slow motion as his punch hit my jaw.

After that was a blur. All I remember seeing is his face beaten to a pulp, my friends dragging me away, the principal shouting unheard words at me.

Everything turned into a blur for the next couple of weeks. I didn't focus on anything or anyone. I didn't feel the pain of beatings or the hunger that I should feel. I hadn't eaten in awhile, when I did I threw it back up. The muscles I had worked for disappeared as the fat on my body began to fade.

All I remember is my mother hitting me in the arm with a bat and the crack that echoed out. I remember the screaming - not from me. From Jackie.

Now I lay, blurry eyed and unfocused in a hospital bed as doctors and nurses explain to me that I have osteoporosis; a bone disease.

How interesting.

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