Blink. | meanie.

005.

I'm getting better.
They said I'm getting better!
My one wish is coming true!

The wish I had worked so hard for and fought so much for. The wish that meant the world to me. The wish of Kim Mingyu's happiness.

I don't want to be an embarrassment.

They said I wouldn't need to take the medication soon.

But it hurts.

The more I better myself, the less I feel joyed.
I would rather stay a schizophrenic freak and let Mingyu keep me then fulfil my one wish and lose him forever.

Selfish, I know.

Maybe that's why he stopped visiting or nursing me through my daily check ups.
Maybe I'm too much an embarrassment that he has given up on the chance of me improving in the first place.

But I thought he would try.

Who am I kidding?

Why would he try to help someone like me?
Someone who's better off dead?

**********
He came back.
He always comes back.

I wouldn't dare ask why because his reply always scares me.

'I never left.'

With the same look in his pitch black eyes. The only look filled with some kind of hatred he would ever give to me.

I woke up to the same cold glare, drowning me in fright. But as soon as we maintained eye contact, his glare softened into a sweet crinkle of the eye.

'How are you feeling?' He whispered.

I giggled in return before being pulled up for a hug.

And that's when everything turned white.

***********

I couldn't breathe. There was fire everywhere. Orange, pink blares where burning my feet until I was engulfed in heat. My uneven breathing came to stop.

The world was closing up around me. This is destiny. This is fate. This is how people like me end up.

But then I saw him. His lifeless body beneath me. He was alit. His face holding the same cold glare I would catch him giving me before he would realise I was looking and soften back up.

I killed Kim Mingyu.

***********

I woke up to Mingyu shaking me and the nurses circulating around my hospital bed.
I heard various things in the distance, like
'He's awake!'

Apparently I randomly started yelling while in Mingyus embrace.
I fell deep into my disorder which only happens when I am put in a tense position. I had imagined a fire. The lights of my doubt. So bright.

I was just glad that what I had imagined wasn't true.

Maybe I would need more of this  medication, which was now a good thing.
As  Mingyu only seems to stay when I need more medication, and when I feel fine, he's not there to make me feel even better.