Blink. | meanie.

010.

When we got back, Mingyu simply ignored my sobs and pleads of forgiveness on something I didn't exactly think I done wrong in.

Instead he texted away on his phone.

This made me think, my life revolves around Mingyu, I don't know anyone else to change that, but Mingyu does. He has contact with people other than me. I am not the only one.

So why do I get the blame for everything Mingyu feels and hurts from?Who said it was me? Why do i end up hurting?

Because I let myself.

************

There was nowhere to run, so I came here. To Mingyu's special room. I was in Mingyu's special room without Mingyu.

I stared at the fireplace.

My enemy.

The scrunched up piece of paper grazed my hand and sent shivers down my spine. The fire was roaring.

I tried so hard to preserve something that couldn't be saved. Mingyu's love for me.

The only person I have to blame is myself. I so happily closed my eyes when he told me to. I thought I could blink the pain away only to open my eyes back to something bigger, something worse.

Nothing.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had felt as if my eyes had finally opened and I could finally stand for myself.

Who knew the one I would have to stand against was the one I was and AM hopelessly in love with.

I just sat and stared.

Then I screamed. I hit myself. I yelled at myself. I pinched myself. I looked crazy. I am crazy.
Crazy for you, Mingyu.

Pathetic.

The loudest sound I had ever made was then. The clearest sound I had ever made was then.

The sound of my pain.

I was pulling on my hair as if it would fall out.

Maybe Mingyu wants someone better than me!
Well I can't let him go. I need him. I don't care how he feels anymore. I don't think he ever really cared how I felt in the first place.

I'm a selfish beast.
A monster.

Because of Mingyu.

But then I froze. Tears pouring down my face as I imagined Mingyu, piercing a blade across his beautiful skin.

I am selfish.

How could I, for even a second think that I could let Mingyu feel pain?

How could I think that it is unfair that I care more about Mingyu than he does about me?

Mingyu's a prince. Mingyu's MY prince.

He deserves the best. And if he likes it when I feel pain, then I will feel pain for him, for Kim Mingyu.