Stockholm Syndrome (Jalex)

Day Ten

Jack. Day Ten - 16:43

"Jacky." He whispered, his words far too soothing for my sanity's liking, but then again, I should really be used to it by now, because Alex basically contradicts anything under the sun that can be described using the term 'sane'. "I really am very, very sorry." He ran his fingers through my hair, gently twisting my head to face his. I just shook my head at him, because if there's one thing I know for certain, it's that he is not sorry, he's not sorry at all. He's Alex; he doesn't do sorry. I learned that on Day One.

"I love you." I do wish he'd stop trying, but Alex is far too egotistical to be anything but relentless in his actions, even if they are clearly quite hopeless. Alex is just a persistent, if not mildly psychopathic guy, who every so often reminds me that he can and one day will murder me. When my light goes out, no matter how soon or how late into my future, I know it'll be Alex that puts it out; he's going to make sure of that.

"No, no you don't." Those had been the only four words I'd said to him within the last twenty four hours, and I'd been sure to make sure they were the right ones, and judging by the panicked expression upon his face, they'd had the desired effect. I wanted him to realise that he wasn't just in control, and that I was a person too; not that he was the best example of a civilised person, but then again, neither was I.

"Jacky." He pleaded, his voice coming out in a pathetically desperate tone. He didn't care and I simply had the pleasure of watching him fake it, because Alex didn't have the ability to care; he was a psychopath - it wasn't his fault, well not entirely anyway, he was just born like that. Or at least that's what I'd gathered so far. Reading Alex was proving unfortunately and predictably difficult, but then again, I think it was the challenge that made it just about worthwhile.

"Don't try and sweet talk me into anything, Alex." I spat his name with the most verbal poison I could muster, expressing my true and quickly growing hatred for the guy as best as I could. "You know what you did." And he did. I hope the thought runs through his stupid head every single day, and I hope, I hope he shivers as the guilt runs after it in a prolonged and eternal wild goose chase.

"It was a mistake-"

"A mistake that happened twice?" Mistakes don't happen twice; even Alex knows that. It wasn't a mistake; we both know that. It just hurts to know that someone so fucking special as Alex could do something so cruel and barbaric as that - sometimes I have to remind myself who he really is: a cold blooded murder.

"Yeah, Jacky. I'm sorry." He looked awfully innocent, and part of me wanted to forgive him, but that part of me was weak, and that part of me wasn't the part of me that had kept me alive over the past ten days; the part that didn't believe him had. I had to survive, and that's all that mattered: survival was of the essence.

"Yeah, that's all well and good," his eyes lit up like those of a small child, because he thought I was going to forgive him, he thought he was going to win that easily, he thought I was going to let him, but no, things just don't happen like that anymore, and that's his fault entirely, because I forgave him before, but never again will I. "All well and good, besides the fact that mistakes don't happen twice."

"But Jacky, this one did-" He should really stop trying and admit that he's a filthy liar. The both of us know that this isn't going to get him anywhere, and yet he persists upon still trying; Alex is weird, sometimes- in fact, he's weird quite a lot.

"No it didn't. It happened twice, and therefore it isn't a mistake." I was firm, and maybe a little harsh, but with someone as manipulative as Alex, well, I had to be, unless I wanted every word that left my mouth to be slowly crushed under his presence. I had to let him know that I wasn't just a hurdle to be stepped over; I was important, perhaps even more important than him in the eyes of the law.