Stockholm Syndrome (Jalex)

Day Twenty Nine

Jack. Day Twenty Nine - 13:46

It had been almost a month since I'd been outside, well properly, getting driven to Cassadee's apartment didn't really count considering the fact that I was in a dead inside state then and was pretty much spaced out entirely from reality, which perhaps wasn't such a bad decision.

It was weird as hell to be honest; I had almost forgotten the way the fresh breeze felt against your face and the way the grass crunched a little underneath your feet.

Long gone was the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach regarding my capture, because although I was a missing person, I was a missing person walking rather contently through a park and anyway it was Autumn now and I was wearing this ridiculous beanie of Cassadee's so I barely looked like myself anymore.

I think even without the beanie I didn't look the same way I did a month ago; it was kind of weird to explain but I just noticed it. I felt like a different person also and I knew very well that this was all down to Alex.

It was autumn now and the leaves upon the trees were browning a little like off ripe fruit and strangely enough it was kind of beautiful, then again nature would look beautiful to someone who'd seen nothing but blood stains and psychopathy for the past month and fuck, it was one hell of a month, wasn't it?

I couldn't help but wonder what would have become of me if Alex had never started talking to me at that party, honestly it would have probably been absolutely nothing and somehow that possibility scared me more than the current one of kidnap and murder, but there was just this thing about Alex that was irreplaceable, and that was the exact thing that kept me in love with him.

It was very weird to think he was dead, honestly, and it had come to the point where confirming it to myself felt like lying, so then forth I stopped telling myself he was dead and this reality was a hell of a lot more peaceful, having just convinced myself that Alex would come back one day soon and I was just waiting for him right now.

Admittedly that sounded very sickeningly fairy-tale like, but who was I to care? With Alex gone it wasn't as if anyone had a clue as to what I was thinking.

I still couldn't understand how he did that, I guess it was just him, just something he was made to be good at, but that was way too simple especially for Alex.

It was honestly a miracle that Cassadee had let me go out on my own in the state of worry she was already in, but Flyzik had been most definitely proving to be very persuasive, putting forward the very true fact that I hadn't actually stepped outside a house for the last month which most definitely wasn't healthy. After that she let me go, albeit very reluctantly, but I tried to push my conscience aside and leave whilst I could.

It was all so fucking weird man, especially when I realised that I hadn't felt the sun on my skin for what felt like forever, leaving me to wonder just how fucking sickly pale I was. I'd probably get radiation poisoning from standing under the sun's rays for over a second.

As I continued on my journey through the park, I found myself approaching a play park that was just all too familiar and it didn't take me all that long to recognise it as the play park.

My head hurt just a little from that, especially from the realisation as to how close to home I was right now, because with staying with Alex and then Cassadee I hadn't had a clue as to where the fuck in the country I was. With Alex I could have easily even been in a different country.

I found myself sitting down on a bench underneath the enormous oak tree - that enormous oak tree. The oak tree that held more memories than anything ever should.

I remember this tree all too fucking well, and to say it hurt was simply an understatement.

-