Stockholm Syndrome (Jalex)

Day Twenty Four

Day Twenty Four. Jack - 5:23

Why.

The only word to run through my mind was that - why.

Why had things that days ago seemed to be going so well, turn so easily into a mess for the world obsess over? How had this even happened? How and more importantly why had I fallen right back to square one - to day one?

I'd fallen down back through this mess, but with no hopes of escape - only the knowledge that I'd have to go through it all over again, and honestly I didn't think I could handle that, and maybe Alex knew that too, but I had no choice now, because Alex's decision was final, and perhaps this time around I'd get that into this stupid little head of mine.

I'd tried far too hard to rebel; I'd always gone through with the 'knowledge' that Alex and I were equals, but the thing is, it was rather obvious that Alex called himself 'master' for a reason, and of course, only now it was coming to this stupid little head of mine, wasn't it?

The thing is though, I never did learn, did I?

Perhaps this time I'd be okay, and this time I'd just accept that Alex was in charge and that things would go as he said and under his rule, but I doubted I could keep my mouth shut long enough to let that happen, because that was the thing about me - I just had to have the last word; I couldn't accept that someone else, despite the honest and somewhat blatant truth, was right.

It always had to be me.

And then I discovered that really, I was the most arrogant one of them all; Alex was a saint to me, and he probably thought so too. Perhaps that was what was going on in that head of his and perhaps I had caused all this mess.

Alex believed strongly in humans and his perception of their idiocy and controllable nature, and when I'd came along and completely destroyed all he knew, maybe he broken down a little, and then maybe he decided that this state of arrogance was placid for humans and perhaps that made him up his game, leaving him in the state he was now and the blame entirely in my stained red hands.

It was all so clear now, and it was practically ridiculous that I hadn't seen it before, but then again, I guess it kind of fit then, because that's how my life was - ridiculous, and that's how I deserved things to be, so perhaps I did deserve what had happened, as of course sins warrant punishment - that's how this world works, even if it's only now I'm learning that.

I deserve it all, and as always Alex was always right.

He wouldn't lie to me - Alex knew best. He wouldn't guide my life in anything other than what he knew was right and best for me, because unlike the rest of the world, Alex cared about me. He just had a strange way of showing it, I guess.

Perhaps I should obey him now, and perhaps I should get some sleep.

Perhaps.

Or perhaps I shouldn't obey him, I shouldn't believe a single word that leaves his lips and I should escape while I have the opportunity, or even try when I don't, but I know by now that it's a long shot and even if by some miracle I do accomplish the impossible feat, it wouldn't last long at all.

I wouldn't know what to do, whom to go to, because by the day, it's becoming even further apparent that I really have no one else outside this house, and that honestly, even if it was entirely unintentional, Alex did me the biggest favour he could have ever done by bringing me here.

Even if it was kidnap, he still cared enough and even noticed me from the crowd. He cared about me, because I was still alive, and now, now I knew I should be thankful, and that I need to repay him for his sympathy and kindness, because it's there, it's always been there, Alex just has an odd way of showing it.