Besitos // Kian Lawley

0.2

|Christine|

A/N *christine and her family has made it to la and they're already unpacking and so on, sorry if it seems too fast*

I had all my boxes and bags in my new room. Not gonna lie this house is so nice. It's up a hill along with other houses. There's even a pool. This house has stairs, has a big living room, rooms even! My new room is twice the size of my last one

The walls in the new house are grey. My rooms a burgundy and purple color, my parents room was dark red. The bathrooms were like an off-white color, it was still cute though. I loved the house

The guys with our furniture were here also and I was telling them where to put my things. Like my desk, bed, dressers, etc.

They put my bed in the corner of the room, my small desk by it along with my lamp and selves under it. They put my dresser by my closet.

I loved my closet so much just because the sliding doors were mirrors which Ive always wanted. Maybe moving wasn't so bad. I mean I didn't really have any friends anyway.

I started grabbing clothes and hanging them in my new closet. I did the same with my shoes and put my brothers build-a-bear box in there also. I grabbed the bear out of the box and put it on my bed to sleep with tonight

Tomorrow my parents are going to find jobs right away. They told me, right when they wake up that's the first thing they're gonna do. Since we moved away, they had to quit their jobs, I had to move out of my apartment.

After the guys put my other shelves up and small desk where I wanted, they finally helped my parents in the living room. I grabbed my phone and speaker n started playing Tyler the Creator

I sighed to myself and changed into some gym shorts and took my shoes n socks off. Grabbing a heavy box, I opened it and realized it had all my books in it. I have this obsession with reading

I started putting them on my shelves and looked for more lighter boxes with my stuffed animals plus my posters and pictures

After I found four boxes of those items, I grabbed some nails and tacks, I started hanging them up. I also grabbed some Christmas lights, but they were just red.

/

I grabbed my little purses and bags putting them under my bed. I grabbed a small little backpack and put it on my bed just because all my belongings will be in there and I'd use it

First I grabbed one of my favorite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and put it in the backpack

I also grabbed my little makeup bag that I found and put it in my bathroom. I grabbed the small box with all my bathroom items and put it on the counter.

After doing a little dance, I continued folding my clothes neatly and putting them in my drawers

After finally throwing empty boxes in the hallway my room was almost done. I just needed sheets, blankets, more clothes maybe, and pillows. I felt like my room was missing something, maybe my room was just too big and I barley had anything to "fill" it up or make it look, not, empty

I wish my brother were here to help. I felt my eyes tear up as I sat on my bed holding his bear in my arms

My brother shot himself and my parents n I weren't home. Our neighbors heard the gunshot and called the police right away. I blame myself for it sometimes. Like why wasn't I there to help or maybe stop him and talk to him about it. He was my brother and I didn't even know he was depressed, I mean yea I did, but I didn't know that it came back. I didn't even know that depression can come back.. I just thought when you're better, you're better. I feel like I could of been a better sister or something

His name was Jordan, and he was 18

We were twins

Before I realized this was reality I felt something wet touch my hand, and it was my own tears. I touch my face and chuckle to myself about myself, crying, in this sorta empty room.

I was only in two relationships. In my first relationship I was a freshman and that relationship nearly broke me. It wasn't healthy at all. He met my whole family, was my partner in my big quince; 15 birthday party, made me so happy, was the person I trusted and told everything to. He was everything and I saw myself marring him. But maybe I was just young and in love I don't know. But he cheated on me, made me look stupid. He lied to me, to my face. It's worse because I always let him back in my life, even when I knew I shouldn't of. But I wanted him, or maybe I just wanted a friend, or maybe I really was in love. At 15. We lasted for half a year

My other relationship was in junior year and we lasted till senior year. That relationship broke me. He never cared about me. He was into drugs, and drinking. I did sober him up though, I did help him. I tried my best to help him but it wasn't long. I caught him texting other girls, commenting on their pictures on social media. I did the same thing though, I kept letting him in. I forgave him. It's crazy what love can make u feel, and do. He was the person who made me the happiest but also the saddest. How sick is that? Being in a relationship you should be happy most of the time, you guys should communicate, you guys should put in the same amount of effort

But he never did, I was always trying for us to work and be a couple really. But me trying was never enough and I've come to believe that relationships just aren't for me. Even before, my crushes never noticed me, I don't know maybe I'm just weird

But besides from having an obsession with books, I'm into music. Like really into it. I love rock, I love that calming music, I love dubstep (some). My music taste is everywhere. I love fashion. I swear at my school I was the only girl who wore and still wears dickies. I skate by the way or at least I used to.

Me and my brother were sponsored and shit. It was so dope- getting free shit, I mean. New decks, new shoes, new clothes. It was so cool

I miss it. I miss him