Besitos // Kian Lawley

0.14

christine//

It was morning. I got up stretching my arms and looked to my side. Kian wasnt in his bed. I got up and went down stairs smelling bacon

Jc was shirtless and he was cooking, i sat down at the little island they had along with chairs.

"morning i said" Jc looked at me and smiled

"Wheres Kian?" i added/ asked

"He went to walmart real quick i think. Hey so uh i- kinda wanted to talk to you"

i furrowed my eyebrows, i swear if kian told jc what happened, "whats up?"

"so i know why you spent the night" i felt uncomfortable talking to him about this. About my dad i mean

"i just want you to know, first dont be mad at kian he was just really worried and he didnt want me to be like 'wtf' when i see you the next day or something but- ugh my point is, our house is your house ok? Like youre welcome here anytime. Im sure things are so bad right now but trust me Kian cares. We'll be here whenever you need me or Kian. Like you might not know me a lot but I'll be here whenever"

i smiled at him and went up to hug him

"thank you" i said feeling his arms grab me back lightly

the door opened and Kian walked into the kitchen. He smiled when he saw me and i smiled back. "hey i wanna show you something" he said

i went back and walked behind Kian as we walked up the stairs into his room. Kian sat on the bed and i did the same. He had the bag in his hands and just stared at it

"what did you wanna show me?" i asked laughing, "youre just looking at the bag" i added

Kian giggled, "this isnt easy" he said with his voice cracking

i sat up straight getting slightly annoyed, "Kian whats up? youre acting like you bought some condoms and plan B" i said joking

But Kian didnt laugh. He took out some white bandages/ wrap. He also got out the nitro takis and a book with the Barns and Noble recipe

i look at him confused, "thanks for the chips, they're my favorite" i said trying to grab the bag but kian moved his arm back so i couldn't reach

"Christine i know about you hurting yourself" he finally said looking straight at me

i tried to say something but i couldn't. My mouth hung open but no words were coming out. i wanted to talk, and ask how, but like i said, no words came out

all i did was look away slowly and was looking at the floor.

"Christine i got some bandages and other things-"

"How do you know? you lifted my bracelets while i was asleep?" i said

"no Christine, your bracelets are loose and i was looking at you last night and i saw them, it wasn't like that"

"why were you even looking at me kian?"

he didn't say anything. and it started getting me mad, i wanted to know why. i felt like i was 'put on the spot', i started to get nervous

Don't get me wrong its nice that he got me bandages but why would he look at me? On top of that, while i was sleeping thats kinda weird, right?

"huh kian?" i asked raising my voice now

"i wanted to make sure you were ok when you were falling asleep thats all. I wanted to make sure you didn't have nightmares or anything"

i was just looking at Kian, i couldn't believe that he cared that much about me

"well thank you for caring"

"look Christine i really want you better, and i wanna bandage your cuts and i wanna tell you that everything will be okay but not right now. i wanna tell you how everything is temporary, happiness is temporary, sadness is temporary, and being bummed out or not knowing what to, its all temporary. and i wanna tell you, that you'll be okay"

I began to cry as i slowly gave kian my wrist. I mean i couldn't lie, couldn't make excuses to not show him, i just had to do it. He took off each bracelet one by one as i a wince a lil while they hit my cuts. Kian unwrapped the bandages and got closer to me to put them on

He had one on my wrist holding me still and the other was wrapping. He made sure they were on tight. While he was doing that i kept looking at him, in his eyes- his face, he just looked sad. I didn't think hurting myself would hurt him, or anybody. But he didn't look just hurt, he looked a little mad, disappointed even. Maybe because of me.? if so, i didn't want to disappoint anyone. I need to get better, i want to get better

i started daydreaming of kian and i in my head. imagining how he'd be, even i, if i were better. would he ask me out? Would he be my boyfriend? Just the thought of that made me smile a little, but kian's voice brought me back to reality,

"Everything will be okay, everything's temporary. You wont feel like this forever you'll be okay"