Besitos // Kian Lawley

0.21

/christine\

Im in this alley and right now im doing drugs, and hurting myself. Because thats all ive beem doing for these past days. I dont know. I shouldn't miss you dad but it really sucks without you.

Im talking to myself as i snort some cocain, and take big hits off these blunts. Theres also lil pieces of cigs that werent smoked fully. They calm me down

But really i shouldnt my dad. I shouldn't miss you. You pushed me down stairs, you broke our family. You caused so much pain and now i really want to die. This world is already shit, who cares. I roll my eyes back feeling it kick in. Tears started forming. "Fuck you dad" i just kept saying

I felt like i was flying. My body numb

"Why werent you there? Why didnt you stop the pain why didnt you help us? You fucking were hurting too ya no shit i lost the best thing in my life. You never loved us" i looked up as if i was talking to my dad and god, if he was real

i grabbed half a white xan from my pocket and put it in my mouth. I laid back pushing my hair out of my face. I hate myself. Tears formed in my eyes. "Fuck" i said as a tear left my eye

Tears came down so fast. "Why werent you ever there!" I yelled to myself, "you hurt us because you were hurt??? Thats bullshit"

I didnt care if i was alone or not, i was screaming. Screaming my pain. I stood up hitting and kicking whatever was around me

I screamed at i punched the wall. I looked at my hands, my knuckles bleeding but i couldn't feel anything

My heart was beating fast. I was breathing heavily. My heart ached. I sat down to relax myself. As i was relaxing i started crying again. This time, i wasnt gonna try and force myself to stop. Im just going to keep crying until i cant anymore. I looked at the ground than closed my eyes as the tears were starting to sting

I want to die, i really want to die. Drugs, i need more. I started searching in my pockets for anything and there were only old and used razors. This will do, right?

I began the cutting again. I cried more. I liked the pain though. I cried, i smiled, i sobbed, i laughed, i continued crying

I need to stop smiling and laughing through this pain, its just fake.

"christine!" I heard and i turned my head seeing kian. He starts running to me. I look back at the razor realizing how deep ive gone. My hand was red, everything was red. My hand started to shake. I dropped the razor hearing the cling sound. I started panicking. My hands shaking more. Kian got closer to me and began crying

He sat down by me, "JC! BOBBY! COREY! JC BOBBY! COREY BOBBY HELP"

"No no no christine what did you?"

I looked at kian sobbing, i couldn't breathe, "i-i wanted to die kian" i said

His eyes were red. Ive never seen him cry this hard before. "Im so sorry kian im-i- i - im so s-sorry" i said crying more and shaking my head

"Aghh i hate myself!" I yelled and clutched my fist. Kian grabbed me, "shhh, its ok" he said

"Its ok Christine" he added holding me close

Kian touch his jacket off and began wrapping my wrist. "Your- your wrist christine."

I felt my body getting weak. I was so tired. I kept closing my eyes.

"No no no christine wake up cmon wake up" kian smacked me lightly, i opened my eyes again looking at him. He was brushing the hair out of my face. He kissed my mouth. I felt so weak to kiss him back.

"I love you christine youre okay. Youre okay. Ya youre okay"

I felt myself getting more tired. I kept closing my eyes and than opening them again

"KIAN! THEYRE OVER HERE!" I heard. But the voice was getting quieter

"CALL NINE ONE ONE SHES DYING"