Lost

Reason to Stay ☘

Waking up in cold sweat was nothing new to me. But this time when I woke up, my eyes frantically looked for my nightmare to take a life form. Tiredly I rubbed my eyes and tried not to sob with the heavy pain in my chest.

My broken wrist watch read four in the morning and I had the craziest of desires then, I wanted to call Jeremy. I don't know why but his voice did wonders for my nerves.

I walked out of the factory and inhaled sharply as the early morning air brought me unsaid relief.

But I felt nausea overwhelm me in the instant as I fumbled on my legs losing the balance slightly. My disease was getting worse with five months gone by and I didn't dare open my mouth about it. Sam was now working at a posh boutique, Jack and I were planning on getting out after two more fights Jack was booked for.

The men who came for Sam did not harm me for some reason but I am sure they were planning an attack or something for Jack and I was worried.

Since I went crazy and asked Jeremy to train me to fight four days ago, he had not contacted me. And the scary part was, I missed his presence. I asked him not to get attached and her I was missing him. But then again I was habitual to pain, if I grew attached from my end I can die with one more pain on my list. At least he will not be bothered by my absence when I am gone.

But you want him to.

My eyes prickle with tears again and I feel stupid. On one hand, I want no one to worry about my impending death but I also want someone to love me, care for me enough to remember me when I am gone, to feel a void that would mean that I am irreplaceable for someone.

But I don't want to be selfish.

Walking a little distance from the factory in the darkness of dawn I look at the blue hue in the sky that was an announcement of the coming light. There was an iron grill around the factory which remained closed so that no one comes insides or tries to kick us out of our temporary abode.

I gripped the grill with my hand which had wires poking out and it pierced my skin. My skin was losing the sensitivity now as I felt the blood ooze out from the various point but I felt no pain just a slight tingling sensation like you have when you sit in the same position for a long time. 

That is when I notice the flashlights of the car outside the grill. Most of the kids knew the other way from the back alley so I knew no one else will be coming out this way at four in the night. My eyes focused on the car and I recognized it fairly well.

What is Jeremy doing here at this hour of the night?

***

"Why do you need to fight, I can protect you?" This is kind of words that had me worried now.

I was dying for crying out loud, I don't want anyone else to protect me, to take my responsibility so that when I die they will not feel guilty. Especially now that I have seen how people can handle loss, Jeremy was breaking himself just because he is being crushed under the pressure of pain. His eyes yelled defeat and no desire to live.