Lost

Climbing Together ☘

Considering Magenta's held trekking was not a smart plan but it was there on her list. She was way too excited for a person who was counting her days. Her eyes held the light of joy that crushed my heart into pieces. 

She was my wife now and it was kind of still unreal for me. I never thought I will get married even before Charlotte died but now as I was I wanted her to be in my life forever. Her heart fluttered at my little touch and I was addicted to her specific fragrance. I didn't know I could fall in love even more with her but after our wedding night, I am sure I was insatiable when it came to Magenta.

I saw her fingers struggle to tie the shoelaces as we were getting ready for our trekking. She sighed in frustration as the laces didn't turn the way she wanted them to and I realised it was might be numbness in her fingers.

Walking towards her I sat down on my knees and took the laces from her hand.

"I can do it." She said in a weak mumble still trying to be strong.

"I wanted to do it for you because we are getting late." I teased her and thankfully she rolled her eyes.

As soon as I was done tying up her shoelaces she gave me a light peck on the cheek.

"What did I say about teasing me Magenta?" I asked looking at her waiting for her punishment eagerly.

I obliged her with a passionate kiss.

"Now who is getting us late." She said getting her revenge on me.

I wanted to stop her doing this and get a rest, I wanted to stop time if that was possible but I did nothing as we got in the car ticking off another thing on the list.

***

Magenta was not a good singer. I realised that during our long climb to the top of the hill and she sang in loud voice.

"Don't torture people Magenta," I said though I couldn't stop myself from grinning.

"This is a way to keep up the energy as we climb up Jer." She said and I felt swell up in delight just because she called me Jer.

"When I die make sure you go trekking every three months." Her tone was horribly casual.

I wanted to say no Magenta, I will probably be dead when you die but I just remain silent.

"And when you reach the highest point of the trek plant a new seed there, flower, tree anything. Leave my mark all over." She said with a wide smile, her face beaded with sweat.

"Promise?" She asked not letting me ignore her foolish demands.

But her eyes looked at me with so much trust, my mind reacted on its own, "Promise."

Her smile widened and we kept climbing.

Almost before two kilometres from the top Magenta almost stumbled on the ground had I not been there. Her face was pale and she was gasping for air.

"I am fine." She said the obvious lie with conviction.

"This is a stupid idea," I said through gritted anger coursing through me.

"I would never have enjoyed this with you, this is not a stupid idea. I find the idea of trekking with my husband very romantic." She said with heavy breath.

Yes, I was her husband and somehow amidst feeling angry, I felt happy all of sudden.

I lifted her up in my arms and started walking. She felt so warm in my arms and her face just right under my eyes. She gasped sharply at my sudden gesture and her arms went around my neck for support.

"Okay then let me make it more romantic." I offered her a smile.

"Love you." She said and snuggled into my chest causing my body, heart and mind to face a havoc.

***

It was almost dusk when we were at the top sitting and admiring something as simple as a sunset. The wind was slightly cold and refreshing in its own way. Magenta was busy clicking pictures with the new phone I got her. 

My arms went around her waist and I pulled her closer almost lifting her from the ground. She grinned at my gesture. After having the medicine she was fine now but I wanted to keep her as close as possible.

Lightly she leaned her head on my shoulder and we just sat there in silence. My mind somehow stupidly just thought about the painful situation of when she will be gone, if she will be gone. Her scent, her warmth, her presence next to me.

"It's good movie shooting point, isn't it?" 

How could she think about all this?

"Magenta, you don't expect me to shoot a movie here," I said in a frustrated tone.

"Why not?"

Because do you expect me to live normally after you go? Please God, not this time.

"I don't like climbing this much." I gave her a lame excuse.

But her amused smiled told me she knew what I was thinking.

"Let's go to movie shooting tomorrow." She proposed.

"No, you will rest."

She sighed and opened her mouth to say something but closed it again making me curious what she was about to say.

"You are making my life hard you know that?" I asked her for being so naive about this.

"I am just making sure you will not end up hating all the places where we go together." 

Like I did after Charlotte died.

"I will not be stupid twice," I mutter coldly at her.

But her warmth just bounced that away.

"You are always stupid."

"You have seen me in the ring Magenta. I needed the pain to live." I almost plead her to say something that will mean she will stay.

"Needed? As in past tense Jer. Are you going to throw all my hard work away?" She smiled sweetly.

"Just answer me, if I die how will you feel? Will you live your life like you do now?"I should not have asked her that as I saw the pain seep in her eyes and all happiness was gone.

She gulped at me with a hurt looking face and mentally facepalmed.

"I will do whatever will make you happy." She said with a contented smile and there was no lie in her words.

"And I am not you." I gave her my lame excuse.

"I know, you are better at fighting than I am." Her child spirit was back.

As she tore open the snack packet and offered me one before eating one herself I thought something changed, I can never hate the places where we have been together and she knew that I will not. Even her wishes were planned to make me happy.

☘  ☘  ☘

Can you feel Jeremy's struggle here?

This was a little difficult to write because I am not very sure how Jeremy should feel right now.

Hope this panned out fine?